by Shannon Kelley Gould
Once upon a time, not so very long ago, a trend was born. The “fab five,” as they are known on their hit show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, were the face of this trend, and the quirky quintet took it upon themselves to revamp the style-, hygiene-, and culture-challenged men of the world, while the masses looked on. The makeover spectacle earned huge ratings, and got an enormous amount of press, and soon, straight men everywhere were coming out as “metrosexuals”: extolling the virtues of a layered wardrobe, sporting man-dals on their newly pedicured tootsies, and scrutinizing their toiletries with a newfound concern. Or so the media would have had us believe. But it seems that Madison Avenue has tired of the trend, if the recent slew of commercials touting the return of the manly man is any indication. Miller Lite, Axe body spray, and Dial soap have all jumped on the He-Man bandwagon, but Burger King has outdone them all. In an ad for the Texas Double Whopper, men chant a parody of “I Am Woman,” wherein they dis chick food and destroy a minivan while chomping happily away on the enormous burgers. If the swinging of the men-dulum has left you a bit confused, here are some tips on how to regain your status as a Manly Man.
How to Be A Manly Man:
• When Steel Magnolias comes up in conversation, play dumb.
• Regarding the wardrobe: The more holes it has, the better.
• Remember, noisy bodily functions are always funny and always appropriate.
• Grunting is an excellent way to communicate.
• Order beef.