Trivial Peeps

Old King’s Road’s Pub Trivia Night

Text & photos by Shannon Kelley Gould

Do you know the capital of Burkina Faso? Neither do I, which proved unlucky last Wednesday night when I was initiated into the ways of Old King’s Road’s Pub Trivia Night. Intrepid reporter and recently, and wildly unfortunately, coiffed (read: mullet) Ethan Stewart told me about the event a week earlier, and we decided we’d assemble a dream team of Indy staffers who’d cover all the bases.

As Wednesday approached, we were feeling pretty confident: We had news goddess Hannah Tennant-Moore, New Yorker junkie Sam Kornell, and Copy Chief Palmer “Masta P” Gibbs in our corner. And Ethan and I figured we could handle any question necessitating knowledge of the random and obscure. (He certainly has the bad haircut category covered. And if Beverly Hills, 90210 were to come up, well, let’s just say I pity the fool who’d dare challenge me on the finer points of the Brenda-Dylan-Kelly love triangle.)

Webster’s Dictionary defines trivia as “unimportant matters,” and, while I hate to brag, I’m quite full of it: I majored in religious studies and anthropology, have subscriptions to no less than 20 magazines, and recently spent upward of two weeks on the couch, watching endless hours of mindless crap on the boob tube and reading everything I could get my hands on. Yes, if it’s useless knowledge you’re after, I am unquestionably your girl.

We arrived a little before the 7 p.m. kickoff, settled in, and began sizing up the competition. Our confidence waned as we watched the regulars take their places and greet each other; they looked serious — as serious as it’s possible to look when sitting in a bar dotted with “No Wankers” wares, anyway. Soon enough, Round One got underway, with David Mankin at the mike. Our synapses were firing like Yosemite Sam on speed, and the answers were flying. “Carburetor!” “Scarlett O’Hara!” “Wolverine!” When Sam, employed as our political ringer, pulled out the answer to “What actress just married country singer Keith Urban?” cold Stella shot from my nose. (Quite a charming move, I assure you.) Later, when Mankin asked us to name seven of the eight parts of speech, we were in our glory, and had no shortage of inspiration while creating a haiku that might have been written from disgraced dirty-bird Mark Foley to an underage page. (Ours: Your ass is so fine/But it can never be mine/You are only nine.) But our consistent seven-out-of-10 scores were no match for the likes of reigning champs Purple Bag of S.T.F.U., who made off with the cash. And there’s nothing trivial about that.

4·1·1 Old King’s Road’s Pub Trivia Night goes down every Wednesday at 7 p.m. Teams can include as many as six people; cost is $5 per person. In honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, OKR will host a breast cancer benefit, Pub Quiz for Boobies on Wednesday, October 25. Oh, and for the record, the capital of Burkina Faso is Ouagadougou. Don’t say I never taught you anything.

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