One Missed Call

Shannyn Sossamon and Edward Burns star in a film written by Andrew Klavan, based on the novel my Yasushi Akimoto, and directed by Eric Valette.

To repeat this message, press one. To hear your own death rattle, press two.” In essence, that’s One Missed Call, a film that fails to have any fun with a concept as ludicrous as a cursed voicemail that tells its recipients when they die. One could easily counter that this remake of the 2004 Japanese film of the same name is, in theory, a horror movie. As do many of its Asian-derived, PG13-rated ilk, however, One Missed Call isn’t scary. It trades atmosphere and genuine scares for lame jump scenes and bloodless violence - a combination that should spook only the same pubescent ticket buyers who will likely attend One Missed Call in large enough that studios will excrete more of these J-horror remakes, annoying discerning movie-goers more than an ill-timed cell phone ring in a darkened theater.

Even a decidedly B-level cast seems to be hampered by the D-level The Ring rip-off script, which revolves around The Girl Who Does Not Die (Shannyn Sossamon) and The Cop Who Helps Her (Edward Burns) trying to find the source of the fatal, ghost-summoning calls. Along the way, barely-there characters get the axe, including The Black Girl Who Dies First (Meagan Good), The Blonde Friend (Azura Skye), and The Superstitious Catholic Girl (Ana Claudia Talanc³n). Also, Margaret Cho is there, for some reason. One has to wonder what everyday appliance will next be inhabited by ghosts. An iPod? A espresso machine? Let’s pray the ghosts take on movie cameras next and stop this trend of blood-drained, scare-free garbage.

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