Jaymie Darrow

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“I don’t want it to sound like a cliché,” Melissa Cohen said. “She was just such an amazing person. If you were walking, she was skipping.”

Her mother said she was bright and cheerful, always faithful to her friends even when times were rough.

Alix Giroux, a friend since high school, said she was always smiling and hanging out with her made every little thing fun.

Carly, a co-op customer, was in awe over how someone she hardly knew could brighten her day so much.

She is Jaymie Rose Darrow, a third year UCSB student who recently passed away in an accident in a San Diego river while on a trip with friends.

“She’s not gone,” her mother Audrey Darrow explained. “She’s just with us in a different form.”

Jaymie Darrow and her mother Audrey

Audrey — who must be one of the strongest mothers I’ve ever talked to — said she has gained a spiritual, beautiful daughter in a bigger way. This way, she gets to hold on to her daughter tightly forever, and actually might not have been as close to her for the next 30 years otherwise.

Jaymie, a Poway native, was a passionate vegan, but had only been so since 2003, after her mother battled breast cancer and decided to start eating healthier herself.

“It’s a funny story, actually,” Audrey said of Jaymie’s becoming a vegan. After Audrey was through with chemotherapy, radiation, and other procedures to get rid of her cancer, she decided she would never go back to the unhealthy way she was living. She started cooking healthier, organic meals for Jaymie and her brother — and Jaymie joked that she couldn’t wait to go away to school to finally get a decent meal. Little did she know veganism and healthy eating would become such an influential part of her life.

Jaymie started working at the I.V. Food Co-op in March 2007, a few months after she arrived at UCSB. Melissa, who is the manager of the Isla Vista Food Co-op, fondly looked back on Jaymie’s interview.

When Jaymie bounded up to the co-op, wearing all sorts of make up, Melissa was hesitant about hiring her. But when Jaymie smiled and confessed that her friends told her she shouldn’t apply because she wasn’t “hippie” enough, Melissa hired her on the spot. Despite first impressions, she knew Jaymie would be a wonderful part of the co-op, and her intuition served her well. She said Jaymie was one of the only people who really understood what the co-op was about and sincerely changed things around there. She was an inspiration to Melissa, and the two grew close.

Just over a month ago, Jaymie quit the co-op because she wasn’t 100 percent happy with the way things were going. Melissa, who Audrey said was like a sister to Jaymie, did everything she could to get Jaymie to come back. A couple weekends ago, Jaymie caved and sent Melissa a text message that said she loved her and she was right — she missed the co-op and wanted to come back. She was scheduled to start working again this week.

Audrey said the co-op was like a sanctuary for Jaymie and her coworkers a family away from home. When I sat down to interview Melissa outside the Co-op, she set down a picture of Jaymie on the table and sort of let out a sigh. Though she was having a rough time dealing with Jaymie’s death, she stayed positive and optimistic, inspired by Audrey’s strength and determination not to roll over and give up.

But Melissa admitted that Jaymie’s passing still felt like a joke, like maybe she would still come into the store and surprise everyone. In a town as transient as Isla Vista, 26-year-old Melissa, who has lived in I.V. for 8 years, has grown used to people flitting in and out of her life, which somehow makes Jaymie’s death easier to deal with for now.

Melissa, Audrey, and all of Jaymie’s friends have done their best not to cry over the loss of Jaymie, but instead celebrate the time they were blessed to spend with her. Jaymie was the ultimate party planner and always wanted people to have a good time no matter what they were doing, so Audrey felt it was only appropriate to throw a party in her honor.

Less than a week after Jaymie’s death, family and friends had a Jaymie party in San Diego with over 400 attendees. Audrey said that she didn’t plan anything — it was all Jaymie’s doing. Alix, who has known Jaymie since sophomore year of high school, said she was at first baffled by the number of people there, but when she thought about what a loving person Jaymie was, she wasn’t surprised that so many friends came in from all over the country to celebrate her life.

Melinda Clark

Jaymie Darrow, photographed in August 2007

On Saturday night, Melissa and fellow co-op coworkers also threw a party for Jaymie, formerly called Dance Dance Jaymie-lution. For five hours, they ate vegan food, drank and danced to Jaymie’s favorite Michael Jackson tunes. Melissa said she knew Jaymie was there, jamming away with them.

They had one rule of the night: no crying. If anybody started to cry, everybody had to start laughing. Melissa, who rarely drinks, called Audrey the next morning with a hangover dedicated to her daughter.

While Jaymie did like to drink and party, it was far from what defined who she was. A friend of hers said even when she was drunk, she was thoughtful and kind. While she may have looked like a stereotypical pretty girl, she was always doing unexpected things and had an incredible ability to make people feel comfortable with a simple smile.

Instead of weeping and longing for the way things used to be, Audrey is coping by pursuing a project in Jaymie’s honor. Audrey, who started a raw, organic chocolate bar company, has plans to make a Jaymie Rose bar, complete with rose hips in the chocolate. Proceeds will go to the Jaymie Rose Spirit Foundation, which will support causes Jaymie would have chosen herself, much like the Rainforest Alliance. Already the Jaymie Rose Spirit Tour has been established to help others spread the messages Jaymie and her mother espouse.

Melissa and Audrey both said they learned one very important thing from this: We are not invincible. At the end of our phone conversation, Audrey had a wise piece of advice to share:

“Watch out for each other and make your last words beautiful. Know where your friends are and be their anchor.”

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