SHAM CHARITIES: My mother-in-law, Vivian De Lapa, has been dead almost a year, but she still gets mail from charities, some highly dubious. One appeal just arrived, begging for money in God’s name on behalf of hungry children. What the letter didn’t say was that the director’s salary was $153,797.

Couldn’t the bleeding heart survive on just half the pay and devote the rest to those starving kids he claims to care about so much?

Another letter was from the United States Deputy Sheriffs’ Association, claiming to aid the courageous men and women in law enforcement. But did the nonprofit’s executive director need to pull down a salary of $171,000, along with $88,000 for the finance officer? Couldn’t they squeeze by with maybe half the $259,000 and devote the rest to their mission of “Serving the needs of county law enforcement nationwide”?

Checking with the outstanding online watchdog Charity Navigator (charitynavigator.org), I found that some sham charities collect millions of dollars but only fork over a very small percentage to the cause they are supposedly representing, and that some who run nonprofits find great profit in high salaries.

Fake charities often have names that induce the gullible to write checks to outfits that sound like they help crippled children, disabled vets, or law enforcement. The Federal Trade Commission recently cracked down on three fundraisers in Santa Ana. These groups — the American Veterans Relief Foundation, the Coalition of Police & Sheriffs, and the Disabled Firefighters Fund — raised $19 million from 2005-2008 but only turned over 5 percent to legitimate charities, the commission said. Most of the money raised went to telemarketers, into the pockets of company executives and staffers, and to pay for trips to Hawai‘i and Las Vegas. The groups were fined $19 million but don’t have to pay the fine because all the money is apparently gone.

William Rose, president of the American Veterans Relief Foundation, took in $1.2 million last year but only devoted $92,000 to its stated mission of being “A friend to the veteran.” The rest went to “expenses.”

To give you an idea of who’s behind some of these schemes, the three Santa Ana groups were founded by a guy later indicted for mail fraud and money laundering. He fled and is still at large, the L.A. Times reported. Previously, he spent six years in prison for attempting to hire a hit man to kill his father and a former business associate.

The Coalition Against Breast Cancer raised $1,555,000 but could only eke out $196,666 for “awareness programs.” Its three top officers were paid almost that much, a total of $146,500.

David C. Thelen is listed as chief financial officer of the Committee for Missing Children, and Karen Thelen is board secretary. Together, they’re paid $123,000. The nonprofit collected nearly $3 million in 2007, but only $300,002 went to searching for missing children, according to Charity Navigator.

The message here is to give only to organizations well known for legitimate fundraising. And if you want to donate to law enforcement and firefighting groups, donate to local ones, unless you’re sure your money is going to the right place.

ACTION JACKSON: When part-time Santa Barbara County resident Tom Barrack’s Colony Capital plunked down $23 million to save Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch from foreclosure, there was speculation that Barrack might want to subdivide the 2,600-acre spread and sell off the pieces. But now a crew is fixing up the neglected ranch, readying it for sale as one piece. Barrack has spent $3 million sprucing the place up. Jackson paid $19.5 million for the ranch in 1987 and went on a $35-million spending spree, creating a virtual amusement park. Barrack is saying Neverland could fetch $70 million to $90 million. Barrack has a joint venture deal with Jackson, but don’t expect to see the singer hosting a real estate open house.

SIERRA CLUB FRAUD? What would John Muir say? The 6,500-member Ventura-Santa Barbara-Los Padres chapter is torn with charges of (gasp!) voter fraud. The national headquarters has had to step in to try to settle an ugly dispute among tree-huggers. The nationals tossed out results of the recent chapter election, finding that 40 percent of the ballots were fraudulent. (Hey, stop it. I’m a member.)

TOWN & GOWN: If it wasn’t for UCSB, where would those fleeing the News-Press find refuge? The latest is the reported departure of NP Scene entertainment tab editor Keri Bradford to UCSB’s publications department.

REVOLUTION! A few miles up the Santa Ynez Valley from the aforementioned Jackson ranch, Solvang’s Theaterfest is going strong, staging consistently high-quality productions. So good they induce audiences to bundle up in the cool valley air. Currently on the boards is the PCPA’s production of Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables, a powerful drama set in 19th-century Paris. The concept of a musical set in revolutionary France may have seemed dubious to some when proposed, but it’s played to 50 million people worldwide. On Saturday night, as stirring strains of marching music ended the show, I almost expected to see the audience charge out to brandish pitchforks at the barricades.

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