It was a need for a meal that caused me to enter the gates of Casa Esperanza. It may have been that very meal that saved my life.
I generally stay away from shelters, avoiding the crowds, noise, and chaos you usually get at day centers. It was hunger that changed my mind that day—hard to believe it was almost two years ago. My first few visits to Casa Esperanza were for the meal only; it was also my only meal of the day. On my third visit, I swallowed my pride and asked for help.
I had no intention of coming to Santa Barbara. I really don’t recall why I came here, but here I was, tired, hungry, and broke. I’d spent my last few dollars on fuel for my car and wraps (duct tape and diapers) for the ulcerations on my legs. Food was my last thought. It was easy to get. I was not below digging through dumpsters to search for food.
While standing in line for lunch I would overhear people talking about Casa Esperanza and the services it provided. I was in dire need of medical attention for my legs, which was provided free of charge. It took about a week for me to take the next step and ask about a shelter bed—and I was admitted. I was more interested in the meals and medical services than I was a place to sleep. By my fourth week at Casa Esperanza I had been hospitalized twice, once for the ulcerations on my legs and a second time for congestive heart failure.
That’s why I can say that if it weren’t for that meal I may have died. Now a group of people want to take those meals away. I find this hard to believe. They say that the free meals are drawing undesirables to their neighborhoods, cluttering up their streets, driving customers away. All I can say is that I apologize on behalf of those undesirables, who seldom, if at all, use the services at the day center. For every undesirable you see on the corner or at the park, I can show you 20 or more who are trying to improve their lives, and, yes, I became one of them. Upon receiving disability checks, I also became a customer of the very businesses that wish to close access to the Casa Esperanza’s Community Kitchen.
I would like to challenge those who wish to close the kitchen to come to the day center during lunch, volunteer to help serve lunch, or just observe standing at the door, then tell each person as they leave that you are fighting to take away their meal, for most of them their only meal.
Stand there, look them in the eye, and tell them why. Tell the mother with her children. Tell the seniors who come there for a free meal to help make ends meet, who have to choose between food, medication, or heat. Yes, tell 300 people that you want to take their food away because of a few undesirables.
The people who utilize the day center are not all vagrants, bums, panhandlers or addicts. We are people, human beings, who are asking for a hand up, not a hand out. We demand the same rights you take for granted. We demand the right to food, clothing, and shelter. We demand the right to change our lives for the better.
My name is Raymond Trower. In January 2009 I was homeless, ill, and at one point close to death. I spent 11 months at Casa Esperanza. I moved out on the 24th of December, 2009, into my own apartment: my first one in years. I am still on disability and hope to change that some day. I publish a small digest, Street Voice, for the homeless, and I am currently a Homeless Representative on the “Bringing Our Community Home” 10-Year Plan’s board. I hope to be the same representative on Casa Esperanza’s board too. All of this was accomplished for the sake of a meal.
One of my favorite quotes is, “Cure the disease and kill the patient,” by Francis Bacon. This, I do believe, is what people are attempting to do by closing the Community Kitchen’s day lunch program.
Let me remind you that in today’s economy, most people are one paycheck away from being homeless. And there is an ever-increasing number of seniors and women with children needing the services provided by the day center—namely, the meal.
Comments
What an inspiring story, that goes to show that with a little life saving help, you can prosper. These places are out there to help those in our community that cannot help themselves. Work should be done to improve and preserve such places.
Bonqo2010 (anonymous profile)
October 28, 2010 at 6:20 a.m. (Suggest removal)
This letter motivated me to find out how many Americans can't get enough to eat. There are some pretty sobering food insecurity stats here:
http://feedingamerica.org/faces-of-hu...
In 2008, the USDA estimated that 12.2% of households in the US were food-insecure. The states that ranked the worst in food insecurity and poverty:
1. Mississippi 17.4%
2. Texas 16.3%
3. Arkansas 15.9%
4. Georgia 14.2%
5. New Mexico 14.1%
6. Missouri 14.0%
7. Oklahoma 14.0%
8. Kansas 13.8%
9. Maine 13.7%
10. North Carolina 13.7%
I'm sure the numbers are higher now given the recession.
EastBeach (anonymous profile)
October 28, 2010 at 3:15 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Well I might guess that one reason you came to one of the world's most expensive cites is that you had a good hunch you would be taken care of....oh and the weather is nicer than in Minnesota.
See, if I were in your position I might think about how to take care of myself. One thing I probably would not DO is move to one of the most expensive cities in the world with little or no prospect for a job to support myself. But that's just me.
Out of curiosity, just what is your plan to take care of yourself and become a positive force in society?
jukin (anonymous profile)
October 28, 2010 at 5:02 p.m. (Suggest removal)
In answer to jukin's comment. First of all I wholeheartedly agree with you. The weather is nicer than Minnesota, even though I am from Oklahoma, and I wasn't thinking when I came to Santa Barbara. This was just as far as I got. I was actually on my way to San Diego.
As for being a positive force on society or taking care of myself? I am currently receiving SSDI, and still under doctor's care, even after two years. I don't plan on being disabled for the rest of my life. My intention's are to focus on my writing, telling my stories or stories of other people who have transitioned from homelessness. If you like I could mail you a copy of my digest, SBC Street Voice Digest. I plan to continue acting as a homeless representative too. Will I make a difference? Only time will tell.
Thank you for your comment.
brthrray (anonymous profile)
October 28, 2010 at 7:51 p.m. (Suggest removal)
You are already a "positive force in society" Ray Trower ("brthrray") by writing a simple, clear account of your experience.
And of course, you demonstrate a generous sensitivity to your fellow man by showing more respect in your answer to "jukin's" loutish provocations than they merit.
Those of us who have had to suffer through "jukin's" sallow rants toward anyone who hasn't tripped into the advantages he enjoys are excruciatingly aware of his tiny ideas, stingy morality, and deserted soul.
So please accept my apologies for his shortcomings, and thanks for sharing your story.
binky (anonymous profile)
October 28, 2010 at 9:51 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Thank you brthrray for expressing exactly how I was feeling about that previous post. You are already definitely on a positive track to being a wonderful force in our society. This is a a very inspiring well-written story, so inspiring to hear about how you changed your life for the better with a little help. I hope you keep writing and help opening the eyes and hearts of people to the plight of people so in need of all our help.
Dianaac (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2010 at 8:20 a.m. (Suggest removal)
I wish you well brthrray and hope that you make it out. I'm just thinking that there might be a better city to make your return. One that while not offering all the amenities that SB does but a better opportunity to make a comeback.
BTW, Oklahoma can be almost as cold and nasty.
jukin (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2010 at 10 a.m. (Suggest removal)
thank you for sharing your story, mr. trower. you sound like a very good man and i appreciate your perspective. i'm glad to hear things are turning around for you. a hot meal can be a simple thing - but for some who have no means - for whatever reason (and who is one to judge?) - a meal is a hand up as you so eloquently describe. let us have generous hearts and do good for one another.
matilija (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2010 at 10:58 a.m. (Suggest removal)
The only way for Jukin to have a positive effect on society would be to remove himself from it.
truth_machine (anonymous profile)
October 29, 2010 at 1:26 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Junkin can be harsh but there is a thread of reason to what he says.
If I was experiencing very difficult times I would look at where I could move and be able to get a job, pay rent, and live on minimum wage. Santa Barbara would not be on that list.
loneranger (anonymous profile)
October 31, 2010 at 7:36 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I give tough but goooood lovin'. Listen to me and you will thank me four years from now.
jukin (anonymous profile)
November 1, 2010 at 6:04 p.m. (Suggest removal)
"Junkin can be harsh but there is a thread of reason to what he says"
Trower is already here. Jukin is a sociopath.
truth_machine (anonymous profile)
November 1, 2010 at 11:12 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I feel the typical love and tolerance of a leftist. How about if I told you I was a muslim that wanted to enslave women and kill the infidel, would you love me then?
Or would you just be so scared that you would have to love me?
jukin (anonymous profile)
November 3, 2010 at 4:18 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Instead of telling the mom with kids that I want to take away her hot meal, how about I tell the guy that took a dump in my doorway last week?
Pinatubo (anonymous profile)
November 3, 2010 at 10:17 p.m. (Suggest removal)
"I feel the typical love and tolerance of a leftist."
I don't love garbage.
"Or would you just be so scared that you would have to love me?"
As a sociopath you just don't get the concept.
truth_machine (anonymous profile)
November 5, 2010 at 2:33 a.m. (Suggest removal)
Angry post at 2:30am = a bad night of drinking.
Pinatubo (anonymous profile)
November 5, 2010 at 9 a.m. (Suggest removal)