Animals Say the Darnedest Things

How to Discourage Thieves

Here are some of the interesting ideas I have heard from animals in the past week:

Carmelo is a white, shaggy American Eskimo dog mix. His home was recently broken into. He smelled a strange man by the front door. He offered this suggestion. “I think Mom should put some of my poop by the door so the man steps in it. Men hate that. They never walk in the same place again.”


A little golden Lhasa apso, Shonee, is having separation anxiety when her people leave the house. She paces, pees, and sometimes chews things. She told me she is worried the house is going to burn down. (Turns out the neighbor had a lawn fire that smoked up their house). She is also worried that her people are going to get in a car accident. I explained to her that she has to hand over all these fears to a higher power; that she has no control over such things and that a higher power decides what situations manifest. This is what Shonee replied: “Is god the thunder in the sky?” I said, “Yes.”

Shonee said, “I thought god grows plants and stuff. I didn’t know he controls who gets in an accident or not.”

I told her that I believe he does.

Shonee said, “Oh wow. Is that why people pray to statues? I always wondered if each of those statues has a heart that speaks to the big God.”

I told her that many people do believe that about the statues.

Shonee then said, “Maybe I should get a statue to pray to. Can mine be a dog? Maybe it would be best if I get a statue of a German shepherd or a rottweiler.”

A golden Lab named Duke said, “If you do something nice for others you get magic put on you that makes you happy.”

A cat named Lilly said, about her teenager, “I am worried about one of my girl’s legs. It hurts her a little bit. Also when she sleeps she tosses and I wonder if everything is okay with a friend of hers. Is it possible that a friend of hers is having a bad health problem and it is worrying her?” Lilly’s teenager has a hurt hip and their cousin is fighting cancer.

A small longhaired dachshund all of a sudden became scared of the bedroom at night. She starts shaking and hides in the closet. When I asked her what was wrong she said, “Do you believe in people who look like my mom and dad but are not mom and dad? They come at night with a flash of light and try to hand them paperwork. They say my mom and dad should sign it.”

I asked it if it was a dream and she replied, “It was not in a dream. They say that it’s important and not to be scared, but how could I not be scared of people in the air that my people don’t see?” I believe this doxi is seeing loved ones in spirit trying to give their family members advice.

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