WEATHER »

Buried at Sea


Big Foot was captured while hunting salmon last night. He was drawn in a net into a container on a fishing vessel. Unfortunately he was too rowdy and we had to kill him and bury him at sea.

Also a chupa cabra was sighted and killed. His body was recovered and shipped to the Historic Museum in Los Angeles, unfortunately while en route its body was lost at sea.

Also Peter Pan aided us in our efforts of capturing a flock of mermaids in the Bering sea. During a fast developing Arctic blast they were lost at sea.

Later that day we captured , interrogated , and acquired in-depth details of terror operations from Osama Bin Laden. He was happy to finally no longer be hounded as the world’s most wanted man. While in route on our top notch ship he unfortunately looked at a homosexual sailor incorrectly and we had to kill him and bury him at sea.

To submit a comment on this article, email letters@independent.com or visit our Facebook page. To submit information to a reporter, email tips@independent.com.



event calendar sponsored by:

Plastic Bags? Throw ‘Em Away

Santa Barbara County makes recycling rules tougher in face of exacting standards.

UCSB Ranked Number Three in UC System

Cal and UCLA took the one and two spots.

Pini Property Fights Continue

As an epic attorney battle continues in the Dario Pini receivership, a tenant is getting fed up.

MTD Takes Stand Against Prop. 6

The bus company is concerned about the state funding it relies upon.

County Half-Jokes It Wants Cannabis ‘World Domination’

A government executive implores growers to get legal before time runs out.