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Dreaming Out Loud

"Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it." - Goethe

I am having what could notably be called, " a bad day". My son's rat, Butters Jr. developed a tumor and I had to take him to the Human Society to be put down. My son is sad beyond words and I have no way to console him. I only feel what every mother feels for her suffering child, that I wish I could take his suffering, bare it for him. I cannot stand to see him in so much pain. Child support is very late and I am trying to put together this same sons birthday party on financial fumes. There is no excuse for it being late. My son's father is quite wealthy, he is also quite forgetful. Am I pitiful enough for you? Did I mention the swarming incubus of bacteria in my sinus cavity that is causing a rotten sore throat and throbbing achy body?
"Enough!" :"You festering blob of a pathetic woman!"
This is not the first time I have had this day. I suppose some wise Gandhi-like Guru would say that this is the "fruit of life":." And today you have some bad fruit!" Well maybe and maybe not. Rotten fruit is good for one thing. OK, two things, fruit bread and compost. The second being the "gist" of my tale. Your "bad fruit" can be your best inspiration. I have this crazy little thing I do on sorely abysmal days.
I dream.
Right out loud, eyes wide open and awake. Open to the possibility that all of this is for a very good reason and that maybe it will turn out better than I imagined.
One tool I use is travel search engines on the Internet. I create itineraries for trips I want to take. I wander around Greece in the summer, London at Christmas and Paris:anytime. Planning flights, accommodations, day trips and extraordinary gastronomical adventures. Sometimes I book great hotels and sometimes I use the housing swap sites and check out swapping my house for someone else's villa in Italy for a month. It is absolutely amazing what you can actually do for very little money. Just the travel expense and some spending money.
Last week I went to Santorini for the day. I found a great hotel near Akitiri and three stores who sell twenty-four carat gold jewelry and reproductions of Greek antiquities. I ventured onto about five virtual tours. I researched snorkeling around the island and dining at a Taverna on the edge of a cliff in the moonlight that is only accessible by foot, donkey or scooter and serves Herbisimo garnished with a honeysuckle flower, mint and fresh fig leaves.
Another mode of emotional transport is simply to go and walk on the beach and tell myself the story I want to hear about where I want to be and what I want to be doing. I openly imagine the next step in my life. A time when child support payments won't matter and life will be free and independent. I sometimes stop and build an ocean front villa out of sticks, rocks, seashells and seaweed. I imagine my home is open and airy and full of light and love.
It all works. I just take myself out of my miserable state for a moment and put myself where my wildest dreams come true. Then a wondrous thing happens. The happy medium. The realization that I will not die from late child support, sick rats or sad children. The point of all of this for me is to keep trying. To physically have hope.
Hope generates and fuels action and action:." has magic, grace and power in it!"
The simple action of following my children on their journey and just letting myslef play with them can put me right with the world. The action of getting out of my self and helping another human can fill me with such a delicious warmth that I feel a true sense of child like abundance. Full to the brim with the sweetness of life. The action of writing or painting:of consciously creating anything.
I think God exists in our creative energy. God speaks through our creative expression. I use the word God but Fred will do. Just believe in something beyond yourself. And then play at the beach, on the Internet or with your children. Always remember to play. Create and play and then maybe you will find your own Shangri La.

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