It is the thing none of us can control. It is the thing that can completely separate a family and friends or dissolve separation and bind us together.
It is the one thing we all have in common.
We will all..one day...find our end.
Every time we hear someone has passed we are reminded and take pause. But what do you do when someone you love, loses some one they love? The helpless state of loss is potentially, a minefield of emotion. Step here - you get hurt, step there – they get hurt.
Do you stay away? Stick close? Bake a casserole?
Grief brings with it a need to control “something.”
So we usually attempt to sleep, starve or eat it away.
Or, like me, drink it away for a decade or so…to no avail…because we all wake up and the pain is still there…fresh and untouched.
The whole human experience of loss has no easy remedy…in fact there is no remedy at all. The absolute is – acceptance.
Know when to say when and then, literally, bless and release, bless and release…and bless and release again.
Recently, my very dear friend Betty lost her dearest friend.
One of her last dearest old friends. Not the first, nor the last.
Following a long succession of loss. And at her age, one thing she can count on—death happens. Now she is the last one standing.
How do I ease her pain?
What can I say? What can I do? I call her and I do not know what to say. I want to say something, do some one thing to lessen her pain.
I am aching for my friend and wondering what she must be thinking.
If she were a 40-year-old gal I would go to her place, with PJ’s, cocoa an old movie and sit on her bed and be girls in pain. But this is not the situation. We are older and the days of crying on the bed in a huddled mass are long since passed.
This situation is unthinkable and so very hard to come up with a doable remedy. And so I am helpless and simply have to – let be.
“When I find my self in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom…let it be…”
We just heard that a distant relative of ours has died at the age of 28. A suicide, clearly the worst. I have never quite healed from my brother’s suicide. It dims but it does not go away. In an effort to find some peace, we all pile up on the big bed, look at pictures and snuggle a lot. We find gratitude. We know that this is what death does. It reminds and unites.
I remembered I had pictures of my friend Betty with her “BFF” from a couple of years ago. The only thing I can think to do is to create a nice photo in a nice frame and perhaps a small bouquet or lavender.
"And, in the end, the love you take, Is equal to… the love… you make."
~~ The Beatles
When loss happens…however it happens we are reminded how precious life is. We put away (if only for a moment) our petty gripes and we feel love. Self love, the love of family and friends. We seek to find that sensation we get when we press our cheeks together. The press of human flesh is the universal body language of love. It says,
“I am here and I know.”
Tonight a few women friends gathered to celebrate Betty’s 91st Birthday. The weather was wet and gloomy. We were all a bit tired. Pressures of life and family weighing on us all. We all need a miracle in one way or another. Betty did not feel well and we were “ordered” by Queenie Betty to go to the dining room at Samarkan and have supper without her. He direction was for us to “interact” and we obeyed. It was not easy at first. The weight of money issues, love issues, work, children and family can exhaust one to the point of feeling... “What’s the point?” “Why get out and get together?”
Then the moment comes when I hear the laughter in the room and the amber and golden glow of candle light on their faces and I am filled with a deep precious gratitude. For while there is no sun to be had outside, the hearts of a small group of women create a warm and sustaining internal glow. The holy sensation of love. Heaven is within and without. We love and are loved in return.
But you can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. So buy a ticket! When someone calls and says, “let’s have tea.” HAVE TEA! Get off your ass. Put down the channel changer. Throw a frozen pizza in the oven for the kids and the hubby and find your feminine love guides and have tea! You know this simple gesture of communion will bring you into awareness. Awareness will help you deal with anything that lands on your plate or lands you on your ass!
Even death. For awareness is the simple act of being awake. Awake in life, death and confusion. Awake. With all of our devotion to our media devices we need to transfer some of that energy to the non-electronic and go for the flesh. Press your cheek to some one else’s cheek- sit down - have tea - and listen. The answers will come if you simple let be.
It is 3:25 A.M. and I am feeling blessed in my life. Hopeful for so many things… that some how I will figure out and the universe will deliver a way to create an income from doing what I love. Hopeful when that break comes, I will be ready and calmly assured…because I am present…and in the now.
Tonight one of the women said to me, “Liz you are such a good writer..really.” And it was like someone slipped a 2-carat diamond pendant onto my chest. Because you see, I never know. I haven’t been published widely yet and I fear rejection. So tonight…ahhhh man…what a heavenly feeling…to be seen and admired.
Now that is love. When someone…a woman says some one thing that soothes my mind, soul and body.
I hope that when my time comes that heaven will grant me the gift of loving friends and family all around me. I pray that my ultimate transition will not hurt anyone. And that it will bring peace. Peace for them and peace for me. I suspect that death is in the end…peaceful.
It is about “ending the thousand shocks that flesh is ere to.”