Donald Jr. walked into his father’s Presidential Suite and flopped down on the couch. “This has got to be the worst hotel in the world,” he said, looking up at his father, who, as usual, ignored him.
He was simply glad to be there. Getting some one-on-one time with the old man was very rare for him these days. It wasn’t just that nobody else in the family was willing to go to North Korea; this was a chance for him to finally tell the president about his idea to issue a new line of bitcoins that depicted a muscled, defiant Trump standing, with his foot on the windpipe of a shabby-looking hippie lying beneath him. They’d sell millions of them!
They were in Pyongyang to meet with Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un. They had flown halfway around the world so that his father could receive yet another award.
He’d taken losing the Nobel Peace Prize badly. So what if it was named after a man, Alfred Nobel, who was responsible for killing more people than any other human who’d ever lived? Hey, so what if Nobel had been called “The merchant of death”? Young Alfred had simply found a way to become rich by killing people faster than had ever been thought possible before.
Also, it didn’t bother Trump that Nobel had been a virulent anti-Semite, once writing: “Jews never do anything out of goodwill. They act merely out of selfishness or a desire to show off. They are the most selfish and inconsiderate … all others exist to be fleeced by them.” If he’d said something like that, his son-in-law wouldn’t have spoken to him until Jared needed money for his next crazy scheme.
As they drove into the secure complex of Kim’s headquarters. Trump shook his head in admiration. “You see what you can build when you’re the Supreme Leader? I’ll bet nobody in his government had a sissy-fit when he built this.”
As they exited the limousine to go into the building, Trump grabbed Donald Jr.’s arm. “Kim had a 100 percent turnout for his last election and won every single vote.”
They were escorted backstage to Kim’s private staging hall. Trump poked his head through the curtain and saw that the entire room was full. He smiled at his son, “The guy really knows how to get a turnout.”
As they took their seats on the mammoth stage, the room was eerily silent. Suddenly, the entire hall erupted in euphoric cheering. The Supreme Leader walked to the front of the stage, lifted both arms, and clasped them together like a heavyweight champion. He turned and walked over to Trump. As the two hugged, the room continued to shriek its approval.
Kim walked to the lectern at the front of the stage. Sitting upon it was a veiled statue. Kim waved his arm and suddenly, the room was totally silent. He began to speak. “As you know, this year we will be presenting an award to the person who did the most to stop fraternal relationships between world leaders. It’s also awarded to the man who has done the best work for the abolition of world peace, and has caused the most men to become part of standing armies, the man who has done his utmost for the promotion of world distrust and disorder.
“There were many strong contenders this year: Vladimir Putin, Bibi Netanyahu, some guy in Africa, and many, many more. But one man stands out above all the rest. He has stayed remarkably consistent in his ability to get world leaders to disagree. He has distracted the world from whatever we do to our people. He has made the world safer for us.
“So it’s my honor to present this award.” Kim walks over and pulls back the veil, revealing a giant, gold statue of a hawk with nuclear weapons clutched in its talons.
As the crowd roars, Donald walks up to receive the award. He looks so happy he might cry. Kim hands him the gaudy, gold-encrusted trophy. The president proudly examines it as Kim says, “I am proud to name Donald J. Trump as the recipient of this year’s Noble War Prize!”
