The attitudes and actions of the masked transgressors in Minneapolis were actually summarized over 500 years ago in one of the most famous books in history. The struggles against these attitudes have their own long history, and continue today.
Our Maga-in-Chief has an unleashed ego, never forgets an enemy, and substitutes his ambitions for the goals of a presidency. Where did he learn this behavior? I think I found his instruction book.
An assistant at the White House became so upset with our Bully-in-Chief’s behavior that she quit her job — but, before she left, she stole a book left on the tank of his gold toilet. After I agreed not to reveal her name, she gave it to me – it was a well-read copy of The Prince, by Nick Magavelli.
Everyone knows Niccolò Machiavelli wrote The Prince – it’s so well known that the word Machiavellian describes someone who is deceitful, prioritizes personal gain above all else, and has little regard for the morality or the feelings of others. Sounds just like our leader of the free world. Except everyone also knows that the language in the book is too complex for him to comprehend.
This is why Nick’s book is important – Magavelli translated Machiavelli’s text from “elitist British English” into “pure American English,” thus making it simple enough for our Prez to understand. It’s obviously his favorite bathroom reading because he consistently follows Magavelli’s advice. (I think he actually named his MAGA movement after the guy – he can’t really believe that having America vilified around the world Makes us Great Again.) In the copy given to me, our Highlighter-in-Chief circled his favorite quotes in black Sharpie:
Machiavelli wrote: “A prince must have no other objective, no other thought, nor take up any profession but that of war, its methods and its discipline, for that is the only art expected of a ruler.”
Magavelli’s translation: “Bomb countries that can’t bomb you back.”
“Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, because everybody can see you, but few come in touch with you.”
Give them a TV show – but no touching – they got germs.
“It is unnecessary for a prince to have all the good qualities I have described, but it is very necessary to appear to have them.”
You don’t gotta be good, just make them think you’re good.
“The wish to acquire is very natural and common, and men will always do so when they can, and for this they will be praised not blamed.”
Invade Greenland.
“Since men love as they themselves determine but fear as their ruler determines, a wise prince must rely upon what he and not others can control.”
Make them afraid of what you’re gonna do next.
“All armed prophets have succeeded and all unarmed ones have failed.”
Support the Second Amendment.
“Abolish a disloyal militia and create a new one.”
NATO’s out. ICE is in.
“Deem it necessary to guard against your enemies, to gain allies, to win either by force or fraud, to annihilate those who can or must attack you.”
Bully and lie all the time.
“Reform and modernize old institutions.”
Put YOUR NAME on EVERYTHING.
“Preserve the friendship of kings and princes in such a way that they will either favor you graciously or oppose you cautiously.”
Take bribes from Kings.
“A man who strives after goodness in all his acts is sure to come to ruin, since there are so many men who are not good.”
Being good is for losers.
“It would be best to be both loved and feared. But since the two rarely come together, anyone compelled to choose will find greater security in being feared than in being loved.”
The more you scare them, the more powerful you’ll get.
“Princes should delegate unpopular duties to others while dispensing all favors directly themselves.”
Surround yourself with people you can blame for your mistakes.
“A ruler must use pragmatism and, if necessary, amoral means like cruelty and deception, to acquire and maintain power for the stability of the state.”
I love this guy.
So, what did I learn from all this?
That there is nothing more Machiavellian than a Gold Throne – and nothing more Magavellian than a gold toilet.
Note: Quotes from the actual version of The Prince were edited for brevity but no words were changed.
