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Santa Barbara, CA, May 7, 2025 – The annual celebration of Mother’s Day is meant to be a commemoration of the nurturing nature of mothers. The day is often filled with family get-togethers, luncheons, flowers and handmade gifts and cards.
For others, however, Mother’s Day can be a bittersweet reminder for those who have lost their mothers and mothers who have lost a child, turning a joyful holiday into one filled with pain and grief.
Suzanne Grimmesey of Santa Barbara knows this all too well as this will be the second Mother’s Day without her mother Elaine.
“My mom passed away a little over a year and it has been a time of growth and learning about my own identity in the world without her,” said Grimmesey. “Who am I without my mom? I’ve been a daughter my entire life and now, without either of my parents, am I still a daughter? I know I am, but It feels different now.”
Unfortunately, there is no panacea for grief, though time can eventually bring some peace and perspective. Many who are walking the path of grief, have discovered ways of coping with their grief by focusing on the good times and honoring their loved ones in symbolic ways.
“My mother was so amazing in keeping our traditions alive, like Christmas, for everyone in our family,” said Grimmesey. “I do know her recipes and what to do (what she would do) around the holidays, but it’s not the same. We do want to hold onto her traditions.”
Grief can be a thief of joy, but it also reminds us never to take one day for granted. over time we start reflecting on how precious everything is, even the mundane. At the same time, we’re missing the loved ones who have passed so it can feel like a contradiction. Mother’s Day may become a mixed bag of emotions for people mourning a loss, but that doesn’t mean you should hide away from the pain and focus only on the good. Feel the longing, the sadness, the sweetness of the memories.
“The most difficult part for me is the loss of the person that I had shared everything with. I want to hold onto our history together. My mom brought laughter and joy to everything and loved life,” said Grimmesey.
“I realize that, for some people, shutting down memories keeps them safe and helps them cope until they can face those thoughts and memories. I’m now choosing to face them head on. Grief is different for everyone,” said Grimmesey.
As with all the best things in this life, it seems true that where there is great joy, there is a balance of heartache and sorrow…Mother’s Day, too, can be filled with joy if we know where to look for it. Thankfully, Hospice of Santa Barbara can help navigate these complicated feelings.
“Hospice of Santa Barbara is this incredible resource for all of us and I’ve reached out to them through this process. I feel like I, and our entire community for that matter, are lucky that Hospice of Santa Barbara is available to us whenever we need it,” said Grimmesey.
Hospice of Santa Barbara offers these simple tips for those who are grieving their Mothers this Mother’s Day:
- Share stories about your mom
- Visit her gravesite or a location that was meaningful to her with her favorite flowers
- Cook her favorite meal
- Express your feelilngs and emotions by journaling
- Spend time with family and others who loved and cared about her
- Light a candle in her honor
- Honor whatever emotions come up for you
Hospice of Santa Barbara provides professional counseling, support groups, and patient care services free of charge to individuals and families who are grieving the death of a loved one or experiencing the impact of a life-threatening illness. Hospice of Santa Barbara also provides counseling in our offices and on seventeen local elementary, junior and high school campuses to children and teens who are grieving the loss of a loved one. For more information about Hospice of Santa Barbara, including volunteer opportunities, call (805) 563-8820 or visit http://www.hospiceofsantabarbara.org.
