In late May, Chase William Mulligan, 28, of Silver Spring, Maryland, pled guilty to producing child sexual abuse material that he coerced from at least 108 girls between the ages of 5 and 17 who sent him sexually explicit photographs and videos of themselves. When parents hear this information, many may think that they can keep it from happening to their child by restricting access to devices, the internet, and social media. But more important is to teach children how to navigate their devices safely so they can be equipped with the knowledge and skills to avoid and resist exploitation themselves. Ideally, this information comes from someone whom they trust.
I am a subject matter expert and consultant on sexual exploitation and when I teach parents about the risks of online sexual exploitation, including grooming, sextortion, and sex trafficking, they ask, “what parental controls do you recommend?” After all, 55 percent of parents of children under five years old allow their children to interact with a smartphone. Unfortunately, there are no parental controls that guarantee protection from online predators.
Technologies for blocking inappropriate content are not well tuned so it can be difficult to find the right level of control. A very high level of security will increase the blocking of appropriate sites. This could serve to only frustrate your child and encourage them to seek ways around the controls. However, a lower level of security will allow more illicit content through. Maintaining the right level of control for a child’s developmental age and social sophistication is a relentless and evolving challenge.
Unfortunately, predators are often more sophisticated than parental controls. They know how to pose as children on Roblox, Discord, Snapchat, Instagram, and other social media apps and platforms. They use a grooming process to gain the attention and trust of children. Thus, once children are able to control their own contacts, they can be targeted by exploiters who pose as peers and slowly fish for relationships. They will target children who are going through a hard time, such as bullying, a fight with a parent, or a break-up. Children who are swayed by the attention can be convinced to share increasingly personal information, including pictures. If a child can be convinced to send pictures of their body, they can be used by the predator for money, power, or sextortion.
The grooming process can also result in the predator identifying the child’s location and seeking contact with the child. Thus, it is important for children to avoid sharing social media posts with locations where they live, go to school, play, or work.
Parents have a role to play here. They should avoid “sharenting” — because posting private information about children not only violates their privacy but can also lead to identity theft, bullying, and exploitation.
Parents risk losing any battle of wills related to social media as their children become teenagers. As they grow older, children naturally start to focus on peer relationships and connectivity. This fight can cause damage to the parent-child relationship and ultimately make the child even more vulnerable to predators, who are sophisticated at psychologically exploiting children.
Predators know how to increase distance between a teenager and their parents. They empathize with a teenager’s desire for autonomy and use predictable parental reactions against them: “Don’t tell your parents about our relationship or they will take your phone away” is a common ploy. If the child does tell their parents, and their parents do take away their phone, the predator is proven correct. The predator can now provide the child with a phone they control.
Given all this, parents are critical in nurturing their children’s safe use of social media and internet connectivity. This includes setting time limits and monitoring use while at the same time teaching social media literacy. In addition, parents can engage their children in consistent, ongoing discussions about the benefits and harms of social media.
Nurturing a parent-child relationship that adapts to a child’s development and encourages open communication takes the power away from predators who seek to exploit the need for love, belonging, and self-esteem. Talking to children about their bodies, healthy relationships, and consent versus coercion from an early age — before they enter early adolescence — helps equip them with knowledge before they gather information online or from their middle school friends.
When parents create consistent, ongoing opportunities to talk about sensitive topics before children seek relationships outside the family, parents become a safe place for teenagers and young adults to seek guidance, even when they are old enough to have full access to social media and are focused entirely on their peers.
A parents’ relationship with their child is their best weapon against predators.
Jill Sharkey, Ph.D., is a Public Voices Fellow of the OpEd Project. She is the Interim Dean of the UCSB Gevirtz Graduate School of Education, and a Professor of School Psychology. She is also a strategic planning and data consultant for the Santa Barbara County Human Trafficking Task Force.
This op-ed was originally published in VISIBLE Magazine.
