The 101st Airborne loved the idea of kidnapping the Pope from the Vatican. This would be even easier than grabbing the President of Venezuela. The operational plan was so simple and clever that they could pull it off in less than 10 minutes.
Step one was to amass the extradition crew at the McDonald’s directly across the street from St. Peter’s. Located on Borgo Pio and Via del Mascherano, the area had no suspicion of the group of Americans assembled there. More importantly, it was less than two minutes away from where the Popemobile was parked with the Pope inside.
Getting past the Italian police escort and the Pope’s small army of Swiss Guards had been easy. The soldiers had control of the vehicle before anyone realized what was going on. Then a short ride to a private airbase had allowed the papamobile to be driven onto a waiting Lockheed C-130 Hercules, a turboprop military transport, and flown directly back to Washington.
Before world leaders could react, the Pope was taken to a special “holding cell” secretly built in the construction site of the new ballroom. It is rumored that he’s resting there comfortably.
It is expected that the President will, sometime tonight, issue a statement from the Pontiff, in which the Pope will apologize for his harsh criticism of our “supreme leader.”
In addition to the Pope, it has also been reported that the 101st Airborne brought home two large bags of food from the Roman McDonald’s for the President and received a generous tip.
