Our Ego-in-Chief wants to be King. He says it’s just a joke — but he’s like the boy who says he wants to set your cat on fire then says he’s just kidding, but you’re actually pretty sure he means it. Our Actor-in-Chief uses images and stories he sees in movies to define his reality. So, in which movies might he see himself as our King, and how do those stories play out?
The Man Who Would Be King
A man intends to exploit a country — but its people see him as a God, then as a King. Our Poser-in-Chief won’t have to act to star in this story. But the movie’s King falls from a rope bridge and dies — in the original story, his head is cut off, mummified, and stuck in a bag. Probably not the ending our King expects.
The Lion King
Our King covets this role — he shared a video of himself as the Lion King hunting ape-Obamas (I didn’t make that up). We’ll let him be the Lion King if he admits to what he reportedly shares with lions (in addition to his unrestrained pride and yellow mane): proportional to their size, a lion has a very short, small penis.
Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King
The story of the 2024 election — in which our King treats hobbits, dwarves and elves as second class citizens because he is a human white male with a long magic sword. Which beats being a lion. But our King won’t take this role because, in order to reclaim his throne, he has to actually fight onthe front lines.
The King and I
The least likely scenario. He’s critiqued by and takes advice from — a woman? Not his story. And it takes place in some foreign sh**hole country? Not gonna happen. The only thing he’d like about this scenario is he gets to wear gold.
The King’s Speech
He would certainly reject this story because he would never admit to having a disability — he enjoys mocking people with them too much. Then again, if he’d been treated by a speech therapist who told him he wouldn’t stutter if he was lying, it would explain why he constantly avoids telling the truth.
All the King’s Men
This tale of a politician’s collaborators being bullies, treating women as sexual objects, and seeking revenge is so close to the truth that it would be like watching a documentary. And he obviously doesn’t watch documentaries.
Besides, his wife’s the one who makes the documentaries. Sort of.
So, does our Superego-in-Chief really want to be King? I think he just wants the pomp and rewards of Royalty – he likes the idea of people being forced to bow to him. But his Royal duties would bore him to death. He’d treat his new Crown like a new toy, just like that bored sociopathic boy who setfire to your cat – he’d play with it for a week – then toss it aside and want to invade Iceland.
Note: Perhaps he wants to be our King but he definitely thinks of himself as a Christian King. The outrageous composition of his recently posted image of himself as a Christ-like figure healing the sick is eerily similar to the composition of the comical movie posters I created for this piece. If he’d intended the image of himself as a savior to be a joke, it might have been darkly funny, but since he’s actually embracing his delusions, it’s terrifying.
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