A judge recently overruled our Prez’s order to rename the Kennedy Center after himself and then overruled our Prez’s order to close it for “repairs.” The rulings prompted a re-examination of our Self-Promoter-in-Chief’s motives. Which revealed the actual reason he tried to close the Kennedy Center — he wants to use it to rehearse a secret new musical starring himself! Following the protocol of this deal-making presidency — that you have to pay for access — I made a trade with Marco Rubio: I gave him a pair of shoes that actually fit him and he gave me a copy of this secret musical’s storyline and songs:
MAGA: The Musical
Act I
Our hero brilliantly inherits millions, overcomes bone spurs, is mentored by a mobster’s lawyer, and becomes the greatest Realtor in history. Songs include:
“Who Needs Experience?” Confirms America’s ideal that any great man can become President.
“A Woman’s Place” Revere them, respect them, take away their vote.
“Bear Arms and Trigger Fingers” Puns and guns from a man who aims to please.
“It’s Better To Be White” Hey – when you’re better, you’re better.
“Let’s Build a Wall!” A rousing chorus proclaims one of his greatest ideas!
Act II
Our hero wins the greatest election in history and tries to change the world — but his agenda to create world peace is cruelly interrupted when his second election is stolen from him. Songs include:
“To Tell the Truth, Who Knows the Truth” Sung in a round, his virtual guide on how to “give” an interview.
“Rapture’s Not for Everybody” It’s really not.
“Lies, Lies, Lies!” The refrain of this song will resonate with you. Forever.
“Pardon Me” It doesn’t matter what you do if you do it for him.
“You Can’t Say That … Anymore” Someone in this country has to decide what’s funny.
Act III
Our hero makes the greatest comeback in history which is driven by his desire to dismantle the administrative state, seek revenge, and destroy law and civilization. Songs include:
“Shut it All Down” His duet with the leader of DOGE makes it clear nobody is safe.
“The Deportation Rag” Ragtime was the last time this country got racism right.
“Sweet Revenge” The list of his enemies is so long that this song is still being written.
“Term Limits Are for Losers” Kings have no limits.
“I Was Saved So I Could Lead You” A profound message texted by a messiah, sung with a choir.
Encore
The entire company kneels on stage in front of his portrait and sings: “The Make Me Great Again Man.”
Hoping to avoid the mocking reviews of their documentary about a woman who wore different shoes, the producers wrote their own reviews of their yet to be produced musical:
“The biggest and most beautiful and greatest musical ever produced in history.”
“A Magical History Tour”
“It’s easy to see why this man won the FIFA Peace Prize.”
“MAGA: The Musical is a cross between Springtime for Hitler and Jesus Christ Superstar with the cult following of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”
“The show captures the puerile coarseness, the gleeful lack of conscience, and the sociopathic pride of the man the world has come to know and execrate.”
If anyone in his administration knew how to use a dictionary, that last reviewer would have been fired, arrested, and deported.
