Helen Marie Behnke
Helen Marie Behnke of Santa Barbara, 94 years and 4 months old, passed peacefully on February 11, 2025, shortly after receiving the Eucharist at her bedside. The younger of two children, she was born on October 5, 1930, to the late Hardy Leslie and Winifred Annette Brian, in Dallas, Texas. This beautiful “Yellow Rose of Texas,” with her “Paul Newman” turquoise-colored eyes and sincerely sweet, “southern charm” personality, enchanted all who met or knew her. She was deemed a Lana Turner look-alike in her North Dallas High School’s yearbook and worked part time as a model, but when Macy’s offered her a modeling contract to move to New York, Mama Winnie replied with a flat and certain “NO!” Helen’s high school years provided the foundation for a lifelong passion for reading; she also enjoyed painting and playing the cello in the school orchestra.
She graduated in 1948 and married her “older” high school sweetheart, James Weldon ”Jim” Melcher, who was attending Texas A&M, and was the top student in his class, and became an engineer and a pilot in the US Air Force. They welcomed their first two daughters (13 months apart!) while living in Texas at College Station. Life was busy and got even busier when the Air Force began dictating that the little family uproot and move to various cities every few years. A third daughter arrived two years later while living at Hamilton Air Force Base in San Francisco, and a baby brother joined his sisters three years later while the family was stationed at Wright Patterson AFB in Dayton/Fairborn, Ohio. Helen was a super mom before there was even the term super mom, constantly planning, organizing, packing and unpacking, orchestrating and commandeering her army of little people all over the USA! Jim’s demanding occupation kept him away from home and hearth (too) much of the time, so at times the challenges were monumental for the young mom. When the family was uprooted from Ohio and transferred to California, the already-stressed marriage failed, and the young mom was left to raise four children on her own, in a new and unfamiliar city and state: Lancaster, CA.
Fast forward to 1965: Helen met Robert Behnke and he fell in love with her and tried to convince her that she would eventually fall in love with him! She did, and they married, and she always called him her “soul mate.” It was a romance like no other and wonderful role modeling for their children. He was 13 years older and treated her like the queen that she was! Bob retired from his furniture sales business in the Antelope Valley and they moved to beautiful Santa Barbara, bought a boat, an antique MG, and a house on the Mesa where they spent lots of time simply relaxing and enjoying their panoramic view of all Santa Barbara has to offer: the harbor, Montecito, the Riviera, mountains and the ocean. Their little slice of Paradise was where the entire family gathered year after year for holiday fun and family functions, such wonderful memories for all.
Helen was predeceased by her husband, Bob, in 2002, and never desired to date again. Although a beauty with intelligence to match, she turned down any dating offers because she felt fortunate that she had already enjoyed many years with the love of her life. Instead, her greatest joy was spending time with her family and being a much-loved mom, “grandmommie,” and great-grandmommie. She is survived by her three daughters, a son, a stepson, and a nephew; Kam Rehm of San Diego, CA (Dan), Maggie Donohoe of Goleta, CA (Patrick), Terry Martin of Veneta, OR (Joel), Marty Melcher of Monument, CO (Angela), stepson Mike Behnke of Oregon, and Bill Behnke of Payette, ID.
She was a loving grandmother and proud great-grandmother, always attending their recitals, plays, academic leagues, athletic games, etc., no matter how far she had to drive, and loved trying to spoil them, showering all with lovely, thoughtful gifts and surprises. However, as they got older, the caring conversations and positive affirmations she gave each child meant more to them than any material gift. Katie (Sean), Benjamin (Lisa), Joseph (children: Kayla, Naomi, Grace), Elizabeth (children: Aurora, Orion), Dylan, Camron, Jordan, and Nicholas, loved their grandmommie so very much and knew how special they were in her eyes.
Helen is also survived by her two nieces, Virginia and Susan of Texas, eight great nieces and nephews, and 15 great-great nieces and nephews. Helen was also greeted in Heaven by her brother and sister-in-law, Bill and Bette Brian of Irving, TX and their adult children Michael and Lizabeth, as well as her brother in-law-and his wife, Hal and Eddy Behnke of Lancaster, CA. Cindy, the first wife of Helen’s son, Marty; Bob, the first husband of her daughter, Maggie; and Jeremy, the first husband of her granddaughter, Elizabeth, also passed before Helen. Her adult stepchildren, Jack and Kathy, also preceded Helen in death. Because she was a serious cat lover, Helen owned many cats throughout her life and was completely devoted to her two last kitties, Buster and Freddie, who were the bosses of the house and also gave her soooo very much love and comfort in her final years on earth.
Mom, you brought beauty and light and a calm and special peace to any setting, with your quiet demeanor and wise words. The light that glowed around you was generated from your strong faith in God, your tenacity and strength, and your love for all. You role-modeled unconditional love and you practiced it daily. Because of you, dear mother, we know right from wrong. You showed us how to laugh and you explained why we cry. You touched so many lives and although you will be missed, your spirit and light will live on in those whom you loved, lucky us. We will love you forever.
A funeral Mass will be held on Friday, May 2, at 2:30 PM at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church in Montecito, which was her favorite church in the entire world (and she has visited many throughout her travels!) A reception will follow from 4:00 PM – 6:00 PM at her favorite place in the entire world: her lovely home, with its breathtaking view! Friends and family are invited to either or both memorials.
In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to the Alzheimer’s Association at 1528 Chapala Street – Suite 204, Santa Barbara, CA 93101 (alz.org).
The family wishes to voice appreciation for the loving, watchful, professional care given by the staff of the Mariposa Memory Care Facility, as well as acknowledge Hospice’s nurturing care and assistance provided by the kind and knowledgeable staff at VNA Health of Santa Barbara, especially the caring case manager, Karen. In addition, the compassionate members of The Neptune Society, especially their wonderful customer service representative, Christopher, helped the family through this very emotional transition.
