Our American-in-Chief wants to get rid of the 14th Amendment, which states that if you were born on American soil, then you are an American citizen.
Ratified in 1868, two of its main goals were to address the rights of Black people who were recently freed, and to integrate the children of immigrants into American society. You can see why this Anti-DEI Prez wants to cut the 14th out of the Constitution — there are two phrases in this description that he just can’t tolerate: “the rights of Black people” and “integrate the children of immigrants.”
Our Complainer-in-Chief’s opposition to this amendment made me wonder what future edits to the Constitution we can expect from him. Let’s go down the list of Amendments and see what his reactions — imagined by me — might be.
The 13th abolishes slavery. Why abolish slavery? It’s an efficient business model. Owners decide when people work, how they work, where they work, and, once you get rid of unions, how much they get paid. Another way of putting this is to say that owners own their workers. Is slavery really all that different from the way today’s white men run coal mining, golf resorts, or Tesla? Let’s kill the 13th.
The 16th created Income Tax. If you’re in the business of making money — and our Brandname-in-Chief is — why would you want to give any of your money back to a society you use and exploit? Besides, it’s poor people who need the most help — let them figure out how to pay for it. Repeal 16.
The 17th made it law that Senators are elected by popular vote. This replaced the process in which we chose white men to be put in power based on privilege, how much money they had, and who they knew. But that’s pretty much how we still select Senators. So we can get rid of this one too.
The 18th created Prohibition. Our DietCoke-in-Chief doesn’t drink and doesn’t appear to like anyone who does. So why would he allow anyone to drink? And he gets to put all his hated California winemakers out of business. He’ll be ecstatic when he reads this one. Of course, when he’s told that the 21st Amendment actually repealed the 18th, the 21st is doomed.
The 19th gave the vote to women. Obviously our Renamer-in-Chief thinks the system works fine without women voting. I mean, they didn’t vote for McKinley — and he’s a national hero — he’s got a mountain named after him and everything! Come on. Do you really think the misogynists who run this administration want women to vote? They’ll do what they did with Roe v Wade — they’ll just turn back the clock. The 19th is gone.
The 22nd determined the term limits of Presidents. We know Our Liar-in-Chief already wants to run again. These words won’t stop him. So why keep them?
The 25th details how to replace a President who cannot fulfill presidential responsibilities, possibly due to impeachment or disabilities. Our Tanner-in-Chief is 78 and refuses to release his medical reports. Do you really think he wants this one on the books?
The 26th gave the vote to 18 year olds. Our Bro-in-Chief is going to leave this one in. Because it’s Bro-culture — these guys get all their news from TikTok, X, and Joe Rogan — and our Chief knows he’s got those bases covered.
So those are some of his future edits. Gotta admit, it makes the Constitution a much shorter read. As if anyone outside Project 2025 reads it anyway. And this is only a start. When our Editor-in-Chief is done editing, the only thing left in the Constitution will be your right to carry a gun.
Note: Don’t forget to enter your answer in this week’s America First! contest: What should we rename New Mexico?
