Invade Greenland! Build resorts in Gaza! Stop scientific research! Annex Canada! Put tariffs on islands inhabited only by penguins!
Are these the rantings of a sane man? Is our Bully-in-Chief going bananas?
Of course his words are open to interpretation — and he changes his mind every 10 minutes — so how can we judge what he really believes? Well, there is one place we can confidently track the sanity of his ideas — his Executive Orders. He has literally signed off on all of them.
I read our Sharpie-in-Chief’s actual Executive Orders (EOs) to see if I could figure out his priorities, what he believed in, and to see if he sounded at all crazy. I anticipated some of his ideas might be narrow-minded or self-serving – but I didn’t expect the resentful vitriol with which his ideas were presented.
In the following list, an idea from an EO is stated in italics along with actual quotes from that EO. My comments come last.
In our National Parks and Museums, we will restore “truth and sanity to American History.” Our history has been subjected to “historical revision” which presents our Nation “as inherently racist, sexist, [and] oppressive.” We will terminate such programs, and ensure that all exhibits “do not recognize men as women.”
And all this time I thought the worse thing that could happen in a museum was that you could get bored.
After declaring he will eliminate “the Electric Vehicle Mandate,” he states he will “safeguard the American people’s freedom to choose … gas stoves, water heaters, [and] toilets.…”
Forget EVs, I just want to choose my flush. Raises the obvious question: is the people’s freedom to choose toilet seats included?
America will have a “nationally designated language,” with the idea being that a single language will “promote unity [and] ensure consistency in government operations.”
Obviously this idea doesn’t work in Congress. But it must be so reassuring to know that, no matter where you come from to live in this great country, your language isn’t welcome.
We “will deter … any foreign aerial attack on the Homeland” by creating “The Iron Dome for America.”
It was patriotic of him to translate “das Heimatland” into “the Homeland” for us, but does he really believe that we can build a missile shield across our entire country? What about Alaska and Hawaii? And Greenland? Unfortunately, whatever Dome he builds won’t protect us from Fox News or MSNBC.
His idea is in the title, “Ending Procurement and Forced Use of Paper Straws.” He likes to use plastic straws to drink his milkshakes, so screw saving the environment. And who is forcing us to use paper straws?
We will use “Ending Indoctrination Strategy” to create a new curriculum, entitled “Patriotic Education,” to stop the “imprinting of anti-American, subversive, harmful, and false ideologies on our Nation’s children,” and we will end the teaching of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion currently taught in our schools.
Thank goodness we’re finally getting rid of things like “other people’s ideas” and “different perspectives.” And I assume he realizes that “Patriotic Education” is an “Indoctrination Strategy.”
Executive Branch appointees must sign an ethics pledge agreeing not to use their “public service for private gain.” However, the Office of Management and Budget and the Counsel for the President may grant “a written waiver of any restrictions contained in the pledge.”
This is like being excused from missing school because your mom wrote you a note so you wouldn’t be punished. It was probably such a note that made it legal to use the White House lawn as a Tesla car dealership.
As part of this administration’s attempt to “promote American freedom and innovation,” the “United States Institute of Peace” will be reduced to a “minimum presence and function.”
It appears the pursuit of peace is no longer an important part of promoting American freedom. I wonder if this EO makes it illegal to play Lennon’s insidiously subversive song “Give Peace a Chance.”
“It is the policy of the United States to recognize two sexes, male and female. […] Under my direction, the Executive Branch will enforce all sex-protective laws to promote this reality. […] Every agency and all Federal employees [must] use the term sex and not gender.”
What is it with his obsession with sexual identity? Maybe the smallness of his hands does mean something. And if you have to “promote” your “reality” — you have just admitted to the existence of alternative realities.
To summarize some of his ideas from his Executive Orders — this President really cares about straws and toilets, doesn’t want to talk about peace, maintains that diversity is anti-American, actually believes he can build a dome over the entire country, and wants to force everyone to agree — in English — with his concept of a sexual reality.
After reading all his Executive Orders, I finally came to this conclusion: He is crazy — or I’m going bananas. Or maybe both.
