Poetry Connection: Connecting with Day of the Dead

One of the first prose poems I wrote was about going to a funeral home with my grandmother and uncles to choose a coffin for my mother. My family didn’t have traditions around funerals or visiting our deceased relatives. I have no childhood memories of visiting a cemetery or of celebrating Día de los Muertos. We were lucky and didn’t suffer any family losses until my mother, who preceded her parents and 10 siblings in death. My grandmother’s tradition of honoring the dead was to pull out her vast collection of photo albums and tell stories about the cherished family, friends, and pets in the photos. 

Last week, I made a rare pilgrimage to visit my mother’s grave at Holy Cross Cemetery in Los Angeles. Her death was sudden and unexpected. She was a young, 44-year-old teacher with a rare kidney disease. Unlike some of my friends whose parents have left instructions on everything having to do with their end of life, my mother did not have the opportunity to make any such decisions. I have no doubt she would have curated the whole affair, including the music and what she wore to her own funeral because she was stylish and enjoyed dressing up for family gatherings and parties.

My grandfather donated the burial plot he had inherited from his father, who was buried in a double plot at Holy Cross. For some reason, his wife, my great-grandmother, Epifania, wanted to return to Texas to be buried. I can only assume that my mother is comfortable being buried in a double plot with her grandfather, Jose. He died before I was born, but I have seen a photograph of him holding my mother when she was a baby. 

My uncle Eloy handled the details of my mother’s tombstone. I’d like to think that I would have chosen a more poetic description than: “A loving daughter, sister, mother, and teacher.” However, as a distraught 24-year-old daughter, I couldn’t read the words I had written for her final mass. I asked a family friend to read it for me.  

This year would have marked my mother’s 77th birthday. While I don’t believe she has a strong connection to her grave because I feel her strong presence wherever I am in the world, I had a pleasant and uplifting visit to the cemetery. I took my ukulele and played some of her favorite songs, entertaining half a dozen workers preparing a graveside burial and setting up several dozen chairs under an awning. I brought flowers and a pumpkin because Halloween was her favorite holiday. As I looked up, clouds formed a heart.

Here’s my prose poem, originally published in my first full-length poetry book, How Fire Is a Story, Waiting, Tia Chucha Press, 2012. 

Choosing a Coffin

Melinda Palacio

We arrive at the cemetery you can see from the freeway. Rolling, green hills, naked statues that make Ama laugh and blush. Walk into a white office. Meet the nice white lady with the white jacket. Sit in her white chairs, stare at the pictures on the white walls. We are here to choose a coffin. I am her mother. I am her daughter. I am her brother. I am her uncle. I am her friend. Our voices fill in blank spaces. I see a plain pine box. That one, I say, because it’s simple, like the coffin chosen for Cesar Chavez, a man my mother admired tirelessly. No grapes, I remember. Don’t be cheap, Melinda, my uncle says. Don’t worry about the money, my mother’s friend says. My grandmother decides on the white coffin that looks like a Cadillac with pink roses on each corner, lined in pink satin for a luxurious sleep. I knew you’d pick that one, says the nice lady with perfect plastic Pompadour hair like Elvis. It’s our finest she says, taking in the shades of bewildered brown faces.

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Poetry Events:

November 5, Deadline Extended 
MLKSB and Poetry Program. Poems on justice sought. The Martin Luther King Jr. Committee of Santa Barbara is proud to present the 2027 Essay and Poetry Awards Program. This annual initiative invites students to honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy through original essays and poems that reflect his timeless values. The theme for this year’s application is: “It is not possible to be in favor of justice for some people and not be in favor of justice for all people.” Send entries to MLKSB Essay and Poetry Program.

Tuesday, November 10
Low State Writing Salon. Writing prompts, writing time for the community. 7-9 p.m. at the Blue Owl, 5 West Canon Perdido Street.

Thursday, November 12
The Poetry Zone. The Poetry Zone, 401 State Street, 4 p.m. 

Saturday, November 14
74th Annual Breakfast with the Authors, 8:45 a.m.-12 p.m., SBCEO Auditorium, 4400 Cathedral Oaks Road. Featured authors: Maryam Kia, Rebecca Langston-George, Melinda Palacio, Alan Salazar-Puchuk Ya’ia’c, and Erik Talkin. 

Sunday, November 15
The Poetry Club, Goleta Valley Library. Read a favorite poem or one of your own. 2-3 p.m.

Sunday, November 15
Let’s Chat About Poetry with Laure-Anne Bosselaar. Join local poetry professor and poet laureate emerita, Laure-Anne Bosselaar, for a reading of favorite poems. 4-5 p.m. at the Domecil. 

Monday, November 16
Three Counties, Three Poets Laureate: A Poetry Reading. Poets Laureate George Yatchisin, Mary Ann McFadden, and Caleb Nichols read at the Central Library’s Faulkner Gallery, 5:30-6:30 pm. 

Wednesday, November 18
Santa Barbara County Poetry Out Loud Competition. Students will recite poems from memory, bringing their individual interpretations to works by a range of poets. Join us to cheer on these young performers. Wednesday, November 18, 5:30 pm at the Joseph Centeno Betteravia Government Administration Building, 511 Lakeside Parkway in Santa Maria. 

Monday, November 23
Literary Champion Award. Mahri Kerley to receive the Literary Champion Award. Join the celebration at Chaucer’s Bookstore on November 23 at 6 p.m. Santa Barbara Poet Laureate George Yatchisin presents the award. 

Tuesday, December 8
Poet Laureate Information Workshop. Interested in becoming Santa Barbara’s next Poet Laureate? Register and check the city’s website here for more information.