Would-Be Appointee’s Game Plan

Open letter to the mayor and other members of the Santa Barbara City Council, seeking appointment to fill the vacancy created by Das Williams’s election to the California State Assembly.

I pray that you appoint me, Nancy Sirbu, as councilwoman, as

1. I would make “homelessness” a felony in the City of Santa Barbara eliminating all financial costs. The Casa Esperanza, The Salvation Army, The New Faulding Residence, etc: Make them dormitories for students.

2. I would demand that the Santa Barbara Housing Authority put monitoring devices on electric, H20, and gas meters to judge the number of people inhabiting the low-income residence. If landlords want SBHA renters, their buildings must comply with code. No asbestos. No lead paint.

3. I will not allow anything more than two stories for future structures because the density rates on the East and West sides are high enough.

4. If one has had a child/children since the 1986 Immigration Laws were passed, does not speak English, does not have a father listed on the birth certificate, [or] has a criminal conviction, including domestic violence, stop any benefits they have.

5. Have the Eastside, Westside, and homeless gangs develop medical facilties to take care of their casualties. I will not see Cottage Hospital go bankrupt as many, many hospitals have due to not being able to absorb the cost of emergency trauma care.

6. I would increase the police force with the money saved on not having to care for “The Homeless.”

7. Put ankle bracelets on the petophiles. Make them visible on Meagan’s list. In the 93103 area, we have over 1,000 registered petophiles. One shows up on Meagan’s List . . . at The New Faulding Residence. There are more than five registered petophiles in that hotel and it is within 3,000 feet of a playground..A prominent member of The Ladies of the Red Hat Society who rapidly pushed Chelsea’s Law through Sacramento is willing to pay for the ankle bracelets and the cost of monitoring.

8. Increase ICE, INS, FBI, INTERPOL forces.

9. Put prisoners in the Santa Barbara County Jail [who are] convicted criminals to work picking in the fields. If one does not meet US papers to work here, they should not be employed here. Save money, make prisoners work in jobs that illegals work in. The money you save in medical alone . . . can pay for extra security staff needed to watch them while they work. Jobs will be created in security monitoring for prison work detail.

10. Make marijuana a cash crop, strictly licensed. Give drug users a zone in which to use their drug of choice. Negate the argument, “I don’t want my kids exposed to its aroma.”

11. Make smoking cigarettes a misdemeanor, give them a fine or imprison them. Assemble a policing force and enforce this law! You have people writing traffic tickets, why not people writing smoking tickets. The fines alone will bring in more revenue.

12. No more free childcare.

Santa Barbara is an upscale, pastoral, artistic, low-crime city. People come here to escape the big city life. Listen to your merchants, they are being overrun. How would you like to be a policeman, fireman, EMT, cashier, waitress, who has to tolerate the viruses, the funguses, the lice, the many communicable diseases that are common among the homeless, [or how would you like to be] a burglary victim, a rape victim, an assault victim, a murder victim. The Shopping Cart Mafia is in bed with the Mexican Mafia, everyone has a cell phone, they employ look-outs 24/7 everywhere for vulnerable, unsuspecting, innocent, busy, working citizens, tourists, senior citizens. The baby boomers are of retirement age right now. The City of Santa Barbara is broke. Our charity, our goodwill, our generosity has been spent, literally spent. The schools, the police force, our roads.etc.—horrible, due to the present financial crisis. Our decent working citizens live in fear. The tourist industry is down enough. Do you think tourists will choose Santa Barbara if they read headlines like Fourth of July Murder at the Dolphin Statue? Saks Fifth Avenue parking lot?

Borders Books, Big Dogs, Open Air Bicycles, etc. could not stand up to ‘The Homeless” who scared away their customers. The panhandlers are horrid. To quote Santa Barbara News-Press Sunday’s edition “Voices,” by Nick Ferrara, “This is their Mecca.” Mayor, members of the council, I pray that you appoint me to Das Williams’s seat.—