STOP ME: Really, lipstick on a pig? That seems a little harsh. But, with the Pollyanna optimism I’m wearing these days as psychological body armor, I prefer to think of it as “a first step.” I’m referring to the new art initiative along Santa Barbara’s State Street in which artists are enticed to provide a splash of color — even beauty — to the terminally vacant downtown storefront windows that have otherwise been dead, dreary, desolate, and devoid.
Lipstick on a pig?
Could be worse. We could be trying to make silk purses out of sows’ ears, an enterprise I can tell you the sows don’t like. Likewise for skinning cats. Given there’s more than one way to do it, there’s no doubt that it’s a good thing cats are endowed with nine lives.
At last count, three windows have been transformed. Another 13, if I’m doing my math right, are in the works. All — bright, cheerful, and ebullient — are brought to us courtesy of the new and unpronounceable civic- and business-minded group known by the acronym DSBIA — Downtown Santa Barbara Improvement Association. It was formed for, of, and by downtown property owners.
For the record, I was a big supporter of its formation; for way too long, owners — with two notably loud and grumpy exceptions — stayed on the sidelines, whining and muttering about City Hall, homeless people, and anything else they thought was stupid, annoying, and bad for business.
To my way of thinking, this new acronym offered a put-up-or-shut-up moment for a key constituency whose creative engagement is really critical in getting downtown off its dime.
Not to be the skunk at the garden party, but I was hoping for more than storefront paintings.
Lipstick on a pig?
On what planet does it make economic sense to allow one’s property to sit empty for years? What we desperately need are answers to some simple questions: Which downtown properties have been vacant, for how long, who owns them, and why have they been allowed to lie “fallow”? Surely, after all these years of handwringing over the empty state of State Street, city administrators and City Council members should be able to tell us the answers.
However pleasant, the new window art remains quiet and still; State Street needs something vibrant and kicking.
If I were the DSBIA, I’d fine all these dead-beat owners — enough for them to feel it — and use the proceeds to hire student musicians, all ridiculously talented, from the Music Academy of the West to enliven those dead spaces with the sound of music.
Naturally, I have not run any of this by the music academy, but the new executive there has spoken eloquently about the need to come out from behind its gates in Montecito.
The high priests of urban revitalization work themselves into an unholy lather talking about “activating” the space. The single most activating agent yet to be parachuted onto State Street — aside, obviously, from alcohol — has been the painted pianos that show up once a year for about a week. These function as sonic campfire circles around which total strangers — yes, some are crazy — chat and trade a few licks. Yes, the pianos are out of tune. Magic, like grace, happens anyway.
Lipstick on a pig? Not remotely.
Cars? No cars? E-bikes? No e-bikes? Can we all just shut up, please?
How about we draft John Seigel-Boettner and his flotilla of Cycle Without Aging e-bike rickshaws to move people from the waterfront to the Arlington Theatre and back? The mere presence of all those wide-bottomed rickshaws on State Street would force the kamikaze e-bike brigades to slow down. Passengers could safely traverse State Street and at a speed slow enough to actually see what’s behind the storefront windows — those that haven’t been wallpapered over with paintings.
Again, I never bothered to talk with John about this. But I’m sure he’d do it, as would the Music Academy, which — by the way — is about to transform the building formerly known as Forever 21 into its new musical downtown mothership. If nothing else, that Seigel-Boettner guy has game. And as his e-bike rickshaw passengers can attest, their experience is, well, magical.
Activate, not placate.
As for Paseo Nuevo, I have a few ideas there, too. Instead of installing some dreadfully Gucci-fied emporium where strawberries sell for $14 apiece, why not create a made-in–Santa Barbara supermarket, selling seafood caught off our coast; pork from pigs slaughtered in Santa Ynez; local wine, wine, wine, and more wine; local produce; local beef made from cows slaughtered in the fields they roamed; whiskey made at local distilleries; bread and pies baked — you get the picture.
Yes, it might be inconvenient. But as City Hall struggles to secure the best terms with the intergalactic bank that found itself stuck owning Paseo Nuevo, it’s not enough to only discuss housing.
As our new financial overlords have conceded, they’re not in the business of operating failed shopping malls. Maybe they better get someone who is. Maybe our new acronym, DSBIA — just try saying that — might be able to help out instead of just calling, ad nauseam, for the return of automobiles to State Street.
Lipstick on a pig? Sure, why not. It all depends on the color.
What’s next?
Garter belts?
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