Correcting Others’ Children

Was at a restaurant in SB w/my brother last week when the 5 yr old in the booth down the line from us started the pounding, kicking & the noise. Then he started hopping back & forth from their booth to the empty one next to them, crawling on the table, shrieking & kicking some more.

Parents kept right on talking like nothing was happening. We both looked at them, & this involved my brother turning all the way around to look over his shoulder. The father was looking right at us, then looked back at his wife and again we were ignored. Several other customers looked at these folks, & couldn't have cared less.

The management saw it too, and they didn't care either.

Another restaurant saw several 20-ish women with a couple of kids seated right behind a friend and myself. Screaming, yelling, kicking, throwing food and spittiing spitballs through the straws. Manager seemed to know this family and they all chatted to one another in another language for several minutes, laughing and having fun.

The noise, shrieking and kicking carried on for another 10 minutes. Then the spitball landed in my friend's hair. She flipped out and jumped up screaming and ran to the ladies' room.

Oh yeah...WE were asked to leave because "they're just little children, you need to get over it."

Denny's in SB: a few years ago. Eating a steak dinner with a friend who was also eating a steak dinner. Family with five screaming kids running around the restaurant while the three adults sat and laughed and chatted among themselves. Manager ignoring it, and the comments from several customers . Finally they got up to leave, and that involved more screaming, yelling and now, kicking and pounding on the stuffed toy machine up front. The decibel level was so high that my friend and I could not hear one another without shouting..

Finally went up to manager standing behind cash register, smiling and chatting in another language to some of the adults and asked him to tell these people to dial it down so we could hear our conversation at my table.

He tore my head off and told me that "this is the way we are in our XXX culture. We love kids. You need to deal with it or find somewhere else to eat."

My friend and I got up and left and we don't go there anymore.

If I wanted to eat at Chuckie Cheese or a daycare center, I would. What is so hard about being considerate of other people in restaurants, the store, etc? Our parents took us everywhere and we never acted like that in public, so what's up with this stuff? It's just getting worse by the day, it seems.

And what are these kids learning? They are just growing up completely feral with no boundaries whatsoever, and anyone who dares say anything gets torn to pieces.

My hero: the guy who owns Taste of Heaven in Chicago, who told the yuppie mommies to control their kids and have them use "indoor voices" while they were in his restaurant. Their response? They picketed him and said he was not "family friendly".

WTH does "family friendly" mean? That it's cool to let your kid run around, scream and throw stuff in a restaurant or store? Seriously?

No wonder so many kids are so messed up; look at the idiots they have for parents!

"My mom friends say they feel “hateful” and even “violent” when someone else—particularly a stranger—reprimands their kids. And I honestly don’t get it."

You DO get it; THEY are the ones that don't get it. These people are on the wrong track.

" 'It is never okay to reprimand someone else’s child when the parent is present,” says manners coach Constance Hoffman of LearnSocialGraces.com.' "

Hoffman needs a reality check; when parents refuse to control their kids, then such niceties are impractical. The problem now is that many of these parents were raised the same way so they don't know any better either. I'm 49 (I know Starshine that I'm about a decade or so older than you) and I saw a LOT of my peers get away with disrespectful behavior that I never would have gotten away with. (Thank God I had parents who kept on me, because I would have been impossible otherwise)

The chickens have come home to roost. No surprise most of the drivers I see on my commute to and from work are aggressive and simply lack consideration.

There is a symbolic ray of hope however: there is a restaurant in Chicago that a few years ago made it clear that bratty behavior would not be allowed. The whiny Yuppie parents threw a collective hissy fit, but the owner dug in their heels, and from what I hear, business is booming.

When I spend $$$, I'm not doing it to hear some feral miscreant in training "acting out" on my dime.

By the way, we often hear girls call their younger brothers who get out of control "brats". Did you know the word in Russian for brother is "брат" or "braht"?

Ha Bill, I love that!

I am one of the people that tells other people's kids to behave... and that will never change. There is nothing worse than a parent that takes their child in public and let's them act like a monster. If it doesn't directly affect me then I won't say anything. However if that child is at the table next to me and reaching over the booth to pull my hair or try to touch me with messy hands, which has happened more than a few times, I always say something. If the parent is offended that's too bad, I am offended that they are allowing their child to act like that in a place where other people would like to also enjoy their dinner.

I've scolded kids at the park, on the playground for hitting, pushing, etc. I scold my nieces or nephews if they do something dangerous or inappropriate and I expect that if an adult sees my children acting up they will tell them to stop too. It DOES take a village! And if these new age parents don't want strangers to tell their children to behave then they shouldn't take them out in public and let them act like monkeys!

I'm pumping my fist in the air, and want you to know that, as a parent of two elementary school kids, I welcome other parents to smartly and calmly correct my kids' behavior. That's why they're respectful and know bad behavior when they see it. Thanks for speaking up Starshine!

I could actually picture the kids kicking the seat incident! Good Visual!
My big thing is when I see a child acting out, if I am with my girls, I say "wow that little boy is going to go to time out when he get's home I bet" even when the parents are drinking wine and carrying on like their little one has not just ruined 5-7 families dinners as our kids STARE at him in shock!
If it's behavior I am close enough to say something, but the child is a stranger: "excuse me" is usually all I have to say with an influx on excuse and a look that says I mean business for me to make a point to the kid...a friends child though I try the polite "uh uh uhh" or "let's not forget our manners" (before I forget mine!)

While I identify with some of the scenarios described, I have approached such incidents with "positive re-enforcement" which I learned as a young mother several decades ago. Now when I encounter young families eating in restaurants and see children behaving and enjoying their outing, I always stop by their table to express appreciation that the children are so well-mannered and well-behaved (perhaps "old-fashioned" traits, but undoubtedly behaviors modeled and taught by caring parents). You might try this sometime. Parents will feel grateful that someone has noticed.

As half of a childless couple, and one who was taught the heavy-handed consequences of acting out in public at a very young age, I was beginning to think I was alone in my shock and disbelief at the unchecked hooligan behavior of many small children, these days. It's enough to me want to stare down the oblivious parent and ask, "Got behavior modification?" Thank you, Holly, Bill, sand, and, of course, Starshine, for letting me know I'm not alone in my disdain for people who can't be bothered to teach their little ones how to be good citizens.

Folks, remember, your responsible for your childrens behavior whether at home or in public. I took this to heart when after someones hellions began their tantrum. I asked the Father to get a hold of your children or face my wrath. He gave me the finger, so I got up, walked over and put my fist threw this mans face!
When his wife stood up in defense, I "B*tch" slapped her to the floor next to her man. The three brats, shut the F up and I went back to table asked for a to-go bag and left but kept my reciept.
A week later, I got a notice to attend court, I showed up with my attorney and after about 45 mins in court, left w/ my Attorney.
Three weeks later, I got my check from the Chain restaurant for $65K and the family got to pay for their childrens tantrum, w/ their own hospital bill.
I don't mess with Families with uncontroled children and uncaring parents, they end up getting hurt and I get paid!

Charles