Of Mics and Monarchs
Dame Helen Mirren Proves the Anti-Tit
Though
Dame Helen Mirren explained during the SBIFF’s
Outstanding Performance of the Year Award presentation on
Friday night that “it’s always possible to make a tit of yourself,”
she proved herself the anti-tit. 
Instead, she was charming, humble, and,
at times, shockingly hilarious; stuck using a handheld mic due to
some problems with the clip-on, she declared it too
phallic, and then proceeded to lick it.
(What would the Queen say?)
Her connections to Santa Barbara run deep — hubby director
Taylor
Hackford, who was in attendance for the affair, is a local.
Roger Durling conducted the interview, and when I caught up
with him later at the afterparty, he said he was almost too nervous
to enjoy it — that is, right up until the lights dimmed for a set
of clips to run, when Mirren reached out for his hand, crying,
saying this was a once in a lifetime experience
for her.
William
H. Macy presented her with the award, declaring her a babe and
noting that, while she’s known for “dropping her knickers” whenever
given the chance, she’s one of the most gifted actresses around.
None in the Arlington audience disagreed.
The after-party, which went down at the Brooks Institute’s
Montecito Campus, was a sight. 
The estate is enormous and stunning,
and, although rumored to be haunted, it was on its
best behavior.
The grounds were lit up red and blue, quality snacks abounded,
and men bearing trays of what, frankly, looked like
overgrown condoms circulated. It turned out the
mysterious items were actually samples of sponsor Innovative Skincare‘s moisturizing
sunscreen — according to Healthspan
columnist/aging well guru Michael
Seabaugh, the stuff works miracles. Upon hearing that, my date
and I and everyone else within earshot stuffed our pockets.
We did a couple laps, chatting with local filmmakers
Jody Nelson and Lisa Grossman, and called it a
night pretty early. It was, after all, just Day Two, and we needed
to rest up for more. And, as any smart girl knows, it’s always best
to get out before making a tit of yourself.
