If I Ran the Zoo
A tribute to Dr. Seuss on his birthday
For a century now, it has sat in this
spot. And the townsfolk have liked it. They’ve liked it a lot. But
the Pleasantville Zoo saw some changes the day That a fat cat
decided she must have her way.
“It’s a pretty good zoo,” said Ms. Hootie McWho “And the people
who work there seem competent, too. “But if I ran the zoo, if I
bought it from you, “I would make a few changes. That’s just what
“There are too many critters, I tell you, too many. In the new
zoo, McWho’s Zoo, there will not be any. There will be no more
monkeys, no meerkats, no mice. Because animals shouldn’t be caged.
It’s not nice.
“I’ll free all the geckos, the sloths and the skinks And the
blood-sucking poisonous toads (those poor things). I’ll release the
flamingos, the crane and the pheasant, And the screeching macaw,
which I find rather pleasant.
“This new zoo will be cool! It will be so un-cruel! It will be
the town’s pride! It will be the town’s jewel! Oh, but wait now,
just wait. There’s a problem I see: Namely, who wants a zoo that is
“Empty dens, empty pens, empty cages and pools … The town may
not notice. Let’s face it. They’re fools. Ah, but here’s an idea.
Never mind the giraffe. Why not have some real fun? Why not lock up
… the staff?
“Yes, it’s perfect! I’ll lock up the staff on the double. For
when they roam free, they are nothing but trouble. I’ll corral
every hard-working uniformed bloke from the cage-mucking boy to
that gal who sells Coke.
“And I tell you, those workers will make quite a show. They will
rattle their cages! Just look at them go! I will teach them to
juggle and smile and say ‘Please.’ I will teach them to do it from
down on their knees.
When all three of my friends come to visit my zoo, We can heckle
my pets and flick rocks at them, too. And just think—oh just
think—how much fun it will be! And the whole stinking planet will
wish it were me! …”
Almost nobody visits the Zoo anymore. With no gnus to be found
there, it’s really a bore. But Ms. Hootie McWho is not lonely, far
from it. She’s hired new hapless zoo workers to run it.
One by one, as her beasties escape from their pens, She just
locks up the poor serfs who mucked out their dens. Cuz no matter
how far your ideas may be flung … You can always find someone to
shovel your dung.
For more, visit www.StarshineRoshell.com.