A Perfect-on-Paper Blind Date

Johnny Depp Look-a-like Just Doesn't Do It for Chassy

After a few days of taking it easy, I’m back in the saddle, and really trying to put myself out there.

On Saturday, I went on a blind date. Many of you suggested having friends set me up, because, as SBCitizen advised, “When your friends set you up, supposedly they’ve done a little quality control already.” So, when my girlfriend Marla called to tell me that her Johnny-Depp-look-a-like cousin was in town and would like to meet me, all I could say was: “Bring it on!”

When headed to The Blue Agave to meet Jack, I felt so nervous that my heart was pounding like Nicole Richie’s before a drug test. First off, I didn’t know anything about this guy except that he’s single, lives in town, and works as a stockbroker. Secondly, I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if we bumped into one of The Biker‘s friends. Santa Barbara is such a small town sometimes, and while The Biker and I aren’t in an official relationship, it would still be…so…incredibly…awkward. But thankfully, The Biker was out of town, so I didn’t have to worry about accidentally crossing paths with him.

Marla was right about Jack being striking and very polite, but from the minute he walked in the door, I just didn’t feel him. Mighty disappointing. Here he was, every girl’s dream: Tall and handsome, well-educated and well-mannered. Perfect on paper!

But, already a few minutes into a conversation about his Stanford education and new boat, I was bored out of my mind! I started contemplating escape routes right then and there. When I begin to find someone redundant and uninteresting, I have the attention-span of a five-year-old, and I knew I had to make a break-away fast. I finally figured out how to lay it on him gently, and excused myself with flu-like symptoms.

Major bummer! It was just flat out disillusioning, meeting a handsome eligible bachelor, who was genuinely interested in dating me, and then I felt nothing. Zip. Nada. Not that I expect there to be fireworks in round one but I should at least be able to finish dinner without falling asleep, no?

Back in my apartment, alone, on St. Patrick’s Day, it was either attacking a bucket of Rocky Road H¤agen-Dazs or surrendering to another long-time addiction of mine: The Writer. I sent him a brief “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” text, and he wrote back immediately.


Happy St. P Day to you too! How are you, pretty girl?

:When can I see you?

The Writer

Shite! Straight to the point. Like opening up a can of worms. Last time I saw this guy was right before Christmas, when he stopped by, totally unannounced. In other words, he’s always up for the unsolicited long-distance sex-capade, and I know when I’m playing with fire. I don’t want to be his across-the-country booty call. Anymore.

Yet, I just have to “reach for the bottle” every so often. Just to know that he’s still out there, thinking of me. That what we had was in fact pretty spectacular, when we were paying big bucks to meet up in every state, and compiling frequent flyer miles like nobody’s business. We ended up texting back and forth till the early hours, and I hated myself a little. Why can’t I just let the past stay in the past?

I think we’ve all had flings like this with someone we recognize as being bad for us, but we are enthralled, bedazzled, and blinded. To the point of obsession. You don’t have to be in MENSA to spot an unhealthy pattern here. I ignored his invite to meet up soon, and from now on I’ll try to keep my addictions dangereuse in check!

Something else I’ve managed to keep in check is my super ex-girlfriend worries with The Biker, and I’ve decided that it’s not pertinent enough to launch into full-blown girlfriend mode. I still might bring it up, if we ever become exclusive. But for now, I figure we’re cool since we’re taking things nice and slow. Organic growth, that’s what I believe in.

In fact, at the pace I’m going I suspect I’ll still be single when I’m 40 and I really need some advice on how to polish off my game. After my “blind date disappointment” I hope you’ll tell me if:

You’ve ever been on a blind date? How did it go? And, how did you manage your expectations and prepare for the whole ordeal?

Post a comment below or email me at dating@independent.com with the good, the bad, and the really ugly on your blind date experiences. I can’t wait to hear about it!

Till next week!



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