Chimpanzees are roaming our local mountain trails. You may wonder how I know this, since I haven’t seen an actual chimp up there. Don’t let that fool you. The stinky evidence is all around, and of course it must be chimps, since you can’t train a dog or a horse to use “bath tissue.”

I suspect some chimps are also walking dogs. A chimp can be taught walk a dog and pick up poop with a little bag, but they tend to leave the full bags next to the trail. In my view, those abandoned bags are a sure sign. It’s not their fault, chimps are naturally lazy and don’t care much about feces or hygiene. Just visit the chimp exhibit at any zoo. It’s up to us to set a good example, and to train them well.

If you have chimp, please train him to take a small trowel when he roams our beautiful trails. Teach him that if he is “taken short,” he should go a few yards off-trail and dig a small hole, etc. If you let your chimp walk the dog, teach him to carry the little poop-bags out. Our forests should smell like trees, sagebrush, and chaparral, not a dog kennel, or a chimp exhibit.


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