I am a female, and I have a boyfriend; however, I think I am gay. I am afraid to hurt my boyfriend, because I still care about him. Also, he doesn’t take rejection very well. Coming out is a very hard thing to do, especially when the people around you won’t accept it. I was wondering if you could tell me the best way to go about telling him that would ensure the safety of us both.
One of the great things about being alive is that you can create any life that you desire. If you are in fact gay, it is important to explore that so that you can find the love and happiness that you long for. I believe it is important to be true to yourself.
Some of your email worries me. You say you “think” you are gay. I want you to be strong within yourself and to know who you are. The first step is thoughtful exploration, and for that I am proud of you. Also you mention that you wanted “to ensure the safety of us both” (your boyfriend and yourself). Are you concerned that he may hurt you? If so, he is not a good boyfriend for you whether you are gay or not.
I feel like you should find a professional counselor and a gay support group to help you through this time. Sometimes it is best not to do something drastic until you have more clarity around a situation. Are you really gay? If so you must find out how to love yourself enough and be strong and ready for the coming out process. Gay or straight, one must grow within oneself to choose the right partner for a healthy relationship.
I have seen my mom work through some difficult times. I have seen her struggle with who she is and what path she should take. Counselors and support groups have been helpful to her. There has to be dedication in finding out what are your negative patterns that self-sabotage your happiness and what are positive tools you can use daily to help you grow. Learning to love yourself and becoming strong and confident enough to value your needs is an active process. You may have to look at your past and your present and start creating goals for the future. This is an exciting time for you because you are waking up to who you are.
You mentioned about your boyfriend not taking rejection well. That is his issue that he needs to work on. Never stay with someone because you feel sorry for them or worry because they may get hurt. I have seen many people worry like you worry, and in the long run both parties are usually fine. There may be some wounds and some pain during a breakup, but time repairs them and people grow. I have seen my mom’s friends devastated about men they never even think about now.
I have also found that people communicate differently. It is hard to tell you how to talk to your boyfriend about this because I have never seen you both communicating. This is where a therapist can be very helpful. My mom talks to animals and dead people all day long, but sometimes she needs to talk to an experienced person to help her communicate to people in a personal crisis. This is nothing to be ashamed about. Someone can teach you to stand in your power and gracefully tell another what you need to say. I think of life and each situation as practice for the future, practice for being a strong, confident self-loving person. It takes time to walk into that role. So if you make mistakes, it’s okay. It’s all progress.
As a dog I was born knowing things, confident and full of love, though I used to be a different kind of man in my past life. I only say this because I lived in Alaska like you, and I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I was a fisherman and I had to kill a whale, and it made me so depressed. I decided to come back as a dog so that I could forgive myself and see the good in people again.
Also, my mom loves me to tell the part of the story where when I lived in Alaska as a man, I had a 1967 VW crew cab truck. My new dad (my mom’s boyfriend) has one! It is so cool. I am so happy to ride in that truck again! My mom says she has never seen me happier. Isn’t it amazing how the universe works!
Anyway, it is so great that you are writing me because you are starting to ask for help and starting to value who you truly are. For this I am really excited for you. When you follow your divine nature, all the angels work really hard to make things wonderful for you. You may find during this self-exploration process that you meet wonderful friends and start a whole new happy life. You may find that you discover different parts of yourself than what you set out to discover. The one thing we can count on is that life changes. Just look at your past, and you will see. So change it for the better. Please let me know how it goes. Your boyfriend will be fine … and if he truly loves you, he will be happy for you, and you will remain good friends.
Stormy, aka Storm King, is a 14½-year-old Australian shepherd. His person is Laura Stinchfield, the pet psychic of ThePetPsychic.com.
If you are a fan of Stormy’s and would like to hear his advice on life in general, your life, or your pet’s life, please email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org with “Dear Stormy” in the subject line. Stormy does not speak to your animal. He offers his timeless wisdom.
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