CRACKED: Behold the mighty cascarón, each one a mundane miracle, a messy exclamation mark of joy that breaks up the run-on sentences of our otherwise work-a-day lives. A spontaneous fusion of an irrepressible folk art with no-nonsense, street-level commerce, the cascarón — those brightly painted confetti eggs we crack over each other’s heads come Fiesta — boldly embodies the great cycle of life and the heaping mounds of detritus we all become sooner or later, though perhaps not so colorfully.
If we’re being honest for a second, the cascarón — not the environmental movement, not the Egg McMuffin, not insulin, not tri-tip derived from a part of the cow’s body that seemingly exists no place else on Planet Earth, and no, not even ranch dressing — is really Santa Barbara’s most irresistibly lasting contribution to Western civilization.
Oh yeah, and they’re fun, too.
Here’s the other thing. The persistence of the cascarón over the eons demonstrates the extent to which immigrants have been integral — not just complimentary — to the essential wrap and weave of Santa Barbara’s existence.
So, naturally, I worry about Fiesta.
Will ICE agents, bedecked in their grimly macho camo garb and bulging bulletproof vests and other lingerie of mass destruction, show up during our four days of Fiesta to detain and haul off our cascarón artists and vendors?
The two Kellys — City Administrator Kelly McAdoo and Police Chief Kelly Gordon — have given the matter some thought, concluding that such an action would make absolutely no kind of sense. ICE agents could find themselves easily overwhelmed in the tsunami of Tsanta Barbara humanity thronging the streets or De la Guerra Plaza. It could be Custer’s Last Stand all over again. Nobody in their right mind would do that.
But since when does “right mind” enter into it?
Did it make any kind of sense for Donald Trump to decapitate FEMA, the nation’s admittedly imperfect emergency response agency, or the National Weather Service, upon which so much of the country relies for its get-out-while-you-still-can very survival? (In the age of galloping climate change, we all find ourselves living on Salsipuedes Street.) Does it make any kind of sense for Trump to be waging a two-front war with gazillionaire benefactors Elon Musk and Rupert Murdoch while simultaneously trying to stamp out the anti-groomer rebellion among his hardcore MAGA base over kid-pimp-to-the-stars Jeffrey Epstein?
For the time being, a federal judge has ruled ICE agents are legally barred from detaining people just because they might look like they might be immigrants. No racial profiling, in other words. From such assurances, I derive cold comfort. You should too. Here’s why.
One day before federal shock troops rolled into Carpinteria and Camarillo two weeks ago, the Trump administration sued the state of California, blaming an anti–animal cruelty ballot initiative state voters approved in 2018 for the high price of eggs. While the price of eggs has come down some in recent months, it has yet to return to what it was when Trump won office by promising — among other things — to save us from the high cost of eggs. According to Trump, California is to blame for the skyrocketing egg prices because of provisions in the measure requiring a commercially raised chicken be given enough room in its coop to “lie down, stand up, fully extend its limbs, and turn around freely.”
From what we are hearing, Trump’s make-shift detention facilities for detained immigrants would have a hard time meeting these standards. No doubt, these standards have had some marginal impact on the price of eggs. Probably more consequential has been the wholesale slaughter caused by a bird flu epidemic that’s now run unchecked for three years. In that time, about 130 million egg-laying hens were taken and killed as a precautionary measure to limit the epidemic’s reach. If I have it right, another 20 million pullets — soon-to-become egg-laying hens — were killed too. Most economists suggest the biblical-scale slaughter wrought by the avian flu has had a much greater impact on egg prices than any touchy-feely, guilt-ridden animal protection measure passed wholeheartedly by California voters.
But most economists have not declared war on California either; most have not dispatched thousands of National Guardsmembers and hundreds of Marines — now claiming PTSD due to the terminal boredom they sustained — to militarily occupy the state either.
Trump is arguing in this lawsuit that only the federal government is imbued with the constitutional authority to set animal cruelty standards for pigs and chickens — no doubt an issue of grave concern with our founding fathers, right after they constitutionally decreed that a slave should be counted as three-fifths of a person for purposes of census taking.
What happened to the Good Old Days when out-and-out racists like Lester Maddox wielded political power? Maddox ran a chain of southern fried chicken joints and single handedly killed more chickens than the avian flu ever did. He famously decorated the walls of his restaurants with ax handles that his patrons were supposed to wield lest any person of color — Black in this case — be so stupid as to think they could eat there.
But I digress.
Or do I?
I mention this egg lawsuit with a sense of anticipatory dread that the ICE goons might cite it as a defense against accusations of racial profiling when they raid our cascarón vendors as Fiesta starts next week. Somehow the new Fox News narrative will become that illegal immigrants are driving up the price of eggs by turning them into art pieces. What better pretext to invade Santa Barbara, birthplace of the environmental movement.
Will this actually happen? Probably not. But “probably” has become a rubber crutch, not to be relied upon. Should ICE show up, I fully expect our Congressmember Salud Carbajal, a truly genuine menace when armed with cascarones, to show up and lead the defense. But we all should join him.
If nothing else, the stubborn survival of cascarones over the centuries proves — beyond a doubt — that life, joy, and beauty will always survive, no matter what.
And they’re fun, too.
POST SCRIPT: From Police Chief Kelly Gordon:
We understand that the presence of federal immigration agents during a large public celebration like Fiesta would be highly disruptive, raise alarm in the community, and carry the risk of creating confusion or fear, especially among families and vendors simply trying to participate in a cherished local tradition.
While it is extremely unlikely that ICE would conduct enforcement actions in such a setting, the City of Santa Barbara and the Police Department take the potential for public concern seriously. To your question: no, we have not received any information suggesting such a plan, nor are we aware of any active operations by federal immigration agents related to Fiesta.
The Santa Barbara Police Department does not assist ICE in immigration enforcement. That said, if any federal agency were to operate in a way that compromises public safety or violates legal protocols, we would take appropriate action to ensure community safety. Our officers are trained to verify credentials and protect the rights of all individuals especially in high-traffic public settings like Fiesta.
We remain committed to fostering trust with our community and will continue to monitor any concerns that may impact the safety and tone of our city events.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any additional questions.
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