Death of the Metrosexual

by Shannon Kelley Gould

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, a trend was born. The
“fab five,” as they are known on their hit show Queer Eye for
the Straight Guy
, were the face of this trend, and the quirky
quintet took it upon themselves to revamp the style-, hygiene-, and
culture-challenged men of the world, while the masses looked on.
The makeover spectacle earned huge ratings, and got an enormous
amount of press, and soon, straight men everywhere were coming out
as “metrosexuals”: extolling the virtues of a layered wardrobe,
sporting man-dals on their newly pedicured tootsies, and
scrutinizing their toiletries with a newfound concern. Or so the
media would have had us believe. But it seems that Madison Avenue
has tired of the trend, if the recent slew of commercials touting
the return of the manly man is any indication. Miller Lite, Axe
body spray, and Dial soap have all jumped on the He-Man bandwagon,
but Burger King has outdone them all. In an ad for the Texas Double
Whopper, men chant a parody of “I Am Woman,” wherein they dis chick
food and destroy a minivan while chomping happily away on the
enormous burgers. If the swinging of the men-dulum has left you a
bit confused, here are some tips on how to regain your status as a
Manly Man.

How to Be A Manly Man:

• When Steel Magnolias comes up in conversation, play

• Regarding the wardrobe: The more holes it has, the better.

• Remember, noisy bodily functions are always funny and always

• Grunting is an excellent way to communicate.

• Order beef.


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