The Smashing Pumpkins at the Fillmore San Fransisco

Punctuated by equal parts frustrating awkwardness, comic self-deprecation, and floor-shaking moments of utter brilliance – in that order – the Smashing Pumpkins carved out nearly three hours of distortion-soaked jams Sunday before an affectionate, if largely subdued, audience at San Francisco’s Fillmore Auditorium.

It’s been 12 years since my older brother initiated my fourth-grade ears to the Pumpkins’ mainstream breakout Siamese Dream, and seven years since my mom waited in the car while some high school friends and I attended my only previous Pumpkins’ live experience. For the latter half my life, I’ve grown up with the Pumpkins’ sound and continue submitting to its indelible influence on my musical taste.

Waiting for front man Billy Corgan, drummer Jimmy Chamberlain, and new hires Ginger Reyes on bass and Jeff Schroeder on guitar to take the stage for the fourth performance of an 11 night sold-out residency, I felt as I imagine the moment before I walk into my 10-year high school reunion might feel. Each attendee is nervously optimistic he or she can reclaim past glory while avoiding the topic of past failures, and everyone is under the assumption that everyone else still cares.