Now that it has been promised, er – suggested, discussed, negotiated over, er – fought over to shut the government down over, er – declare a national emergency, we can now be confident, hopeful, resigned to, er – doubtful about the idea that we will soon, er – during the present administration, sometime, probably never have a great big beautiful wall, fence, steel barrier, moat built along our southern border between the U.S. and Mexico, and paid for by Mexico, I propose the following:

  1. We have free medical care for every U.S. citizen. This will be costly no doubt, but don’t worry about that because we will get Venezuela to pay for it.

  2. We will have free college education for every American. The cost for this will be paid for by Guatemala.

  3. Every American will be guaranteed one chicken per week in their pot. At $4 per chicken times about 300 million U.S. citizens, that comes to a mere $1.2 billion which will easily be funded by Mr. Donald Trump who is a multi-billionaire— or so he says.

  4. Lastly, I propose that all Social Security recipients immediately be given a 27 percent payment increase to pay for their children who cannot find a job that is commensurate with their advanced degree in foreign animal psychology and are now living at home. The cost of this will, of course, be paid for by North Korea immediately after they complete their denuclearization program.

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