Dear President Whoever,

Americans are exhausted.

It doesn’t look like we will be seeing six weeks of paid vacation or paid naptimes at any time soon. I guess we still have to be “competitive” as a superpower against the Martians.

So in lieu of that, and in honor of the existing Monday Holidays, I propose the following additional Monday holidays.

Because there simply aren’t enough of them, period.

We truly need as many Monday holidays as possible in addition to the few chintsy old dusty ones that we already have.

We need about 40 more in order to save the sanity of our overworked, underpaid, beleagured, frazzled nation.

Here are a few non-partisan suggestions that the cashier at Sprouts and I rattled off just the other day, plus a few that have popped into my mind uninvited since then:

1. National Divorce Day.
2. National Sibling Rivalry Day.
3. Wounded Inner Child Awareness Day.
4. Dysfunctional Family Awareness Day.
5. Astral Projection Day.
6. Recovering Celebrity Drug Addict Day.
7. Generational Trauma Day.
8. Generalized Trauma Day.
9. Non-specific Melange, Etiology Unknown Day
10. International Covid Awareness Day
11. Your Suggestion Here Day.

If we can just put these and about 30 others on the ballot somehow, to give us just a bit more sanity throughout the year, it will really help so many, and will make the U.S. more mentally sane for all.

Who knows, it may reduce mass shootings, especially where you least expect them.

I’m sure Congress will be eager to form a subcommittee.


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