Peeped-Off

Santa Barbara’s Classic 19th Hole

Text & photos by Shannon Kelley
Gould

“Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.
Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.
Wouldn’t you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where
everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came. … You
wanna go where everybody knows your name.”

The writers of the Cheers theme song sure got that right. And
longtime S.B. locals know that the Tee-Off (3627 State St.), with
its padded door, dim lighting, world-class prime rib, and famed
bartender Tony, is that place — the place where everybody knows
your name. And they’re always glad you came. I know this because
two friends of mine are serious devotees who worship at the altar
of Tony with the kind of regularity that would make Metamucil
jealous.

I myself have spent many an evening languishing on one of the
Tee-Off’s comfy barstools long enough to leave an imprint of my
derriere, and I’ve come to love the place. Not just for Tony’s
martinis, the old-school relish trays, or the otherworldly onion
rings, but for the fact that, as in the classic ’80s sitcom, at the
Tee-Off everyone knows everyone else’s name. And so, one recent
Friday evening, I set out to do some peeping, and settled in for
the duration.

When we arrived, the members of the early shift had already
taken their places around the bar (the only place to sit), but
luckily, we spotted two unoccupied stools on the far end, near the
kitchen, which we promptly claimed.

My pal pointed out the regulars, and I set out to get some
photos. Many refused, offering worries of perceived
inappropriateness by way of explanation, and doled out compliments
and cocktails by way of easing the rejection, but many others were
game. I was chatting up a couple of guys who’d denied me (one’s
wife had forbidden him the post-work pit stop), when the spry
80+-year-old “Danny the Barber” strolled in to a cheer. He sat down
next to us, and proceeded to wow us with his wisdom about love,
marriage, and the perfect haircut. No sooner had he downed his
drink and departed to meet his newly betrothed than we were joined
by Eddie Beltran, owner of the nearby Tiburon Tavern. Eddie’s
girlfriend, Sue Ellen, is a manager at the Tee-Off, and it’s a rare
night when the regulars who close the Tee-Off don’t find their way
over to the Tiburon, to keep the party going.

The ever-intrepid Tony kept the drinks coming, reciting his
favorite Cheers exchange (woody: How ya doin’? norm: Poor. woody:
I’m sorry to hear that. norm: No, pour!). Eventually, the early
shift vacated and the late shift trickled in, and then, they too
drifted away. And, later still, so did we. “Bye, Shannon!” my new
friends called. At the Tee-Off, it doesn’t take long for everyone
to know your name.