Goodness Gracious: A New Idea to Fix State Street!

LOOK UP:  “Perchance to dream … .” It’s a nice line — pregnant with maybe a bit too much wistful melancholy — but who the hell said it?

I’ll tell you who didn’t. Noah Lyles, that’s who.

For the time being, Lyles is the fastest man on the planet, having won the 100 meters in the Olympics by five one-thousandths of a second. It was really that close. It took a camera that shoots 40,000 images a second to confirm the results. Initially, even Lyles thought he came in second. Upon discovering otherwise, he exclaimed, “Goodness gracious, I’m incredible.” Shortly after, he let loose with his now-celebrated whoop, “Why not you? Why not me?”

If ever we needed a bumper-sticker mantra, that’s it.

Or as one-time county parks czar Mike Pahos put it to me as he was fighting for his political survival against a pissed-off supervisor who was trying to smash the parks department, “First, you have to start with the dream.” A pretty unexpected thing for Mike to say, since he was known as a bureaucratic samurai who could have eaten Machiavelli’s lunch and Sun Tzu’s dinner and belched them both out for breakfast.

Pahos survived. Naturally. He had a dream. The supervisor did not. He merely wanted revenge.

Bringing this all to mind is the cup of coffee I didn’t share this week with Karl Hutterer, former head of the Natural History Museum and now a minister without portfolio in the Big Dream department. We met at Dune on Cota Street, but somehow, neither of us got around to ordering. We just talked.

In person, Hutterer is an enviable 84, lean and sprightly. If he were a wine, they might note he betrays hints of granite. Which is to say, when Hutterer gets ideas, things have a habit of happening.

His latest big idea involves the empty U.S. Bank building at the corner of State and Carrillo, once ground zero for what now passes as downtown Santa Barbara. Karl and some pals, Dennis Allen and Paul Relis, are hoping to jump-start that corner by converting that bank building — now a sprawling, two-story box with the requisite red-tile roof and overwrought iron that looks like pulled taffy — into an enclosed adjunct of the Santa Barbara Farmers’ Market.

For those just tuning in, the Saturday farmers’ market — much beloved — will be moving in the next few months from its longtime home at the Cota Street parking lot and re-launching on that wide, tree-lined stretch of Carrillo running from State to Chapala streets. Triggering this game of high-stakes musical chairs is the allegedly imminent construction of the city’s brand-new police headquarters at the site of the Cota Street lot.

Maybe I’m premature here, but I love the idea.

For the past five years, I’ve heard the word “experiential” bandied about by anyone talking about fixing what ails downtown. Not once, in all that time, has anyone ever explained what an experiential idea might look like.

Given that State Street already has an ax-throwing emporium and a dirty bookstore operating in the same building longer than anyone else, I’m not sure how much more “experiential” we can actually handle. But I’m willing to give it a shot.

The bank building’s landlord is a retired engineer who’s lived in Santa Barbara County for about 50 years. According to real estate broker Greg Bartholomew, he’s not just interested in the idea; he’s affirmatively excited. But Hutterer, to date, has not established radio contact with the people running the Farmers’ Market, so we are not even at the first date stage.

Santa Barbara abounds with deluded crackpots who know how to save the world. But Hutterer is different. Most recently, he was the chief instigator for the new oyster bar that just opened up on Stearns Wharf in the Moby Dick banquet room that no one ever banqueted in.

Santa Barbara has never even remotely figured out how to celebrate its seafood possibilities. Moby Dick has long floundered despite its starring role as the backdrop in the 1966 film classic Batman starring Adam West. (Don’t tell me that you haven’t seen it yet!) So, the new oyster bar is a much-needed step in the right direction. Personally, I’m only so-so where oysters are concerned, but the steamed mussels there were truly great.

From inception to opening, the oyster bar took about six years. That Hutterer successfully stuck it out suggests this Farmers’ Market annex might be more than just a passing pipe dream. It would, as they say, “invigorate the street.” A whole lot. There’s one like it in Santa Fe. I have a sister who lives there, and she raves about it.

If and when Paseo Nuevo is replaced by 500 new apartments — as we are told it will be — those new residents would be keeping Hutterer’s dream alive, stampeding their way up the street in a foodie frenzy. No diss on Ralph’s — also in the neighborhood — but it’s not exactly user-friendly.

If nothing else, it would be nice to see “experiential” in action. It could also capture some of the soon-to-be-missing vibe of Tri-County Produce at the bottom of Milpas, soon to become a much-needed housing project.

Perchance to dream? There’s no perchance about it. Just ask Noah Lyles, right now the world’s most charmingly ebullient braggart. “Goodness gracious, I’m incredible.” Maybe we all can be. “Why not you? Why not me?” Good question.