Healing Connections

Four Ways to Overcome Existential Anguish and Find Meaning in Life Now

Having supportive, kind relationships with a few others is important, writes Radhule Weininger. | Photo: Courtesy

When I listen to my clients and friends, I am surprised by the amount of distress and fear many feel at this point in time. Worries seem less focused on personal matters and more about the great insecurity felt on a collective level about the state of our country and the world. Given what is happening socially and politically on a global level, along with the backdrop of a developing climate crisis, this comes as no surprise.

I wondered what attitude might help to address this tremendous amount of stress and remembered a study by my friend, Balfour Mount, a professor of palliative care at McGill University. He and his colleagues conducted some extraordinary research. They interviewed 40 patients with life-threatening illnesses and two samples were formed. The first group of 20 felt great suffering and anguish, while those in the second group felt a sense of grace and well-being. The research dug deeper into each patient’s inner life during their current illnesses and to find out what caused such a divergence in experience. I believe this study may offer insights into how we can enhance our sense of meaning and well-being during these difficult times, particularly given the uncertainty of when or if the situation will improve.

To be more specific, those people who reported well-being and a sense of wholeness despite their serious illness expressed a sense of meaning in their lives. In contrast, meaninglessness led to anguish in the others. Participants experienced meaning when they developed what the researchers termed healing connections. Through these bonds, individuals began to feel alive and expressed a sense of equanimity and security. These healing connections accounted for the notable differences among interviewees.

1- The first healing connection concerns our relationship with ourselves. A participant named Susan reported, “I discovered that there was a peaceful energy inside of me, maybe a truer one than what I had lived on the surface, before. ” She added, “I now could forgive myself for mistakes I had made in the past.”

Another participant Robert reported, “Without that pain, I would not be who I am today, and I would not have learned and grown. I like myself today.” Peacefulness became a quality of life that might not have existed before the trials endured.

2- The second healing connection concerns our relationship with others. Alan, a participant who suffered from terrible cancer, said, “I am fortunate to have all these loving people around me. If it were not for this crisis, maybe I would not be so touched by their love.”

3- The third healing connection concerns the phenomenal world. For some people, this might be nature. ”There is a sense of presence when I see the beautiful tree outside,” said a participant named Jean. For others, the doorway to deep connection might be music, painting, the touch one receives in a massage, or the calming sense experience through mindfulness of breathing.

4- The fourth aspect involves the healing connection to ultimate meaning. During such an experience, one may feel a profound sense of unity with the cosmos or the More, which some refer to as God. There can be a feeling of surrender, as well as a perception of being part of something greater, something that transcends our human narrative. Often, these states of being are accompanied by a sense of ease and love, which may also encompass meditation, prayer, or time spent in nature. Research also shows that meaning and well-being often emerge as byproducts of feeling deeply connected and part of something larger and more enduring than our individual selves. This can lead to growth and the development of wisdom and compassion. Conversely, suffering was usually associated with isolation and meaninglessness.

One healing connection is about our relationship with others, writes Radhule Weininger. | Photo: Courtesy

What can we glean from this study about our current collective (and personal) challenges? I propose that the skills we need to face a threatening illness are similar to those we need to face our current collective crisis. The four types of healing connections are paramount to living healthily during this time.

I personally find how important it is to increase my own care regimes. Especially in a time like this, it is also essential to work through and disentangle inner conflicts, as they sap life energy and focus. I am not afraid to call a therapist when needed. Inner peace is a crucial refuge.

Having supportive, kind relationships with a few others is also important. This allows me to feel connected, helpful, and strong. Interconnectedness is our original nature, not isolation and alienation. Supportive relationships can also be expressed as service, when we help others who need it. To stand together with our friends and loved ones, we can demonstrate courage and meaning and contribute to a better world. Coming back to our natural human state and to a sense of meaning through being compassionate to others allows us to experience ourselves as whole human beings.

A relationship to nature has a similar effect of experiencing interdependence, wholeness, and being part of a beauty more significant than our small self. Nature, music, or painting allows us to feel humble and peaceful as well. For me, meditation is my bedrock practice. On a basic level, it allows me to focus, relax, and not get stuck in ruminations. On a deeper level, non-dual meditation allows me to touch the ground of being, where something in us is not afraid and does not die.

With my four healing connections intact, I can stay present and engaged, even when something in me wants to run away and hide. Please let me know how this works for you!

Radhule Weininger, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice and a founder of the nonprofit Mindful Heart Programs. She has been a student and teacher of mindfulness, compassion, and non-dual awareness practices since 1981. See mindfulheartprograms.org, and radhuleweiningerphd.com.