Mate & Multiply

Chassy Ponders Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Children

Mother and baby

It’s dark and rainy outside for once. Unusual for SB, but to be honest with you, the weather suits my mood. I’ve been seriously antisocial for the past few days, missing The Biker – who’s still in Europe – and contemplating ways of escaping the daily grind (maybe a small trip to Vegas?) without completely exhausting my financial means. After all, I just spent two weeks in Paris, power-shopping and after-partying.

There’s something very soothing about the rain and how it makes you want to stay inside and cuddle up in front of the fireplace with a good book. It makes you slow down and center yourself, maybe spend a few minutes pondering the future, what you want, and who you want to spend it with?

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing on this cold and drizzly afternoon, and I’ve determined that:

1. I want a more creative job, more travel, and more autonomy.

2. I want a great husband who’s an inspiration to me. Someone with whom I have a connection – his occupation is less important.

3. I want kids!

Now, I may sound spoiled when I say that I want certain things, like I’m somehow entitled. It’s not that I think I’m the queen of Sheba or anything, but I do believe that we create our own destiny. So, if I want, I shall get, no?


See, I’m not 100% sure that The Biker is looking to have children – like ever. Although we haven’t really touched upon the topic, I’m getting a certain vibe of je n’est c’est quoi… disinterest. He’s definitely not the type to dive head-first into every baby-carriage we pass on State St., and from what I gather he only visits his nieces and nephews once a year, tops.

To be fair, this might have something to do with the fact that they live in South Carolina. And he is far from immune to the charms of our friends’ offspring, so maybe this isn’t a dead-end road. I just don’t know yet; mostly because I haven’t asked.

I’m wondering how soon I can bring something like this up without coming off as a completely desperate, out-of-whack, near 30-year old. I know some of my girlfriends believe in wasting no time at all when it comes to these matters. Personally, I’m more of a wait-till-it-comes-up-naturally kinda gal. I don’t like to spring a conversation like that on someone – especially when three months ago I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to date the guy!

At the same time, I don’t want to end up like my girlfriend Sarah, who’s seven months into dating a guy and suddenly realizes that his job situation doesn’t sit well with her at all. She’s a successful attorney; he’s a waiter at a mediocre downtown restaurant. They met online and are both athletic, outgoing, and looking to settle down and have a family. She’s into him and there’s definitely chemistry and mutual interests. However, she wants a guy who can pull his own weight in the relationship – financially and otherwise. Seeing as more than a few months have passed, she now feels pressure to either break it off ASAP, or move forward and hope she can look through fingers when it comes to his occupation and the imbalance that it creates. A main cause of this discontent being how he isn’t even happy with what he’s doing, yet does nothing to change it. She’s 38 and on a mission.

It’s a sticky widget really, and one that I hope she’ll be able to free herself of without settling.

I believe you have several chances of being happy with several different people. It may be terribly un-romantic, but I don’t believe in one pre-selected soul-mate – the -one-and-only, if you will. Which partner you choose ultimately depends as much on “falling in love” as on what kind of live you envision yourself having.

So, for those of us who want the conventional kids, collie, and Chrysler, when do you pop the “kids-question?” And if his answer is not in the affirmative, do you bail faster than Paris Hilton can spell jail-time? Is it really that important to mate and multiply?

On a brighter note, so far The Biker has managed to stay in touch with me pretty much daily! And I have managed not to snoop. His stock has gone up and mine has:well, remained fairly stable – meaning that I haven’t flirted excessively, except for a few giddy lunches with my incredibly handsome Norwegian friend, Janus. He seems to think the chances of communication are becoming scarce between my BF and I.

Euro-toll are substantial! I say, we’ll see:

And to Equus’ question about whether or not I would read an email over my BF’s shoulder? Abso-bloody-lutely. That’s not snooping, that’s just common sense.

Hope your Memorial Day was a good one. I’ll see you next week, folks!



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