Dear Straight Talk: There’s this guy from another school that I want to ask to prom. Some of my girlfriends say it’s okay for the girl to ask, others say to always wait for the guy to ask. But how can he ask me when the prom is at my school? The problem is, I don’t know if he likes me and if he rejects me I’ll be so humiliated I probably won’t go at all, even though, as it stands, I could go with friends without a date. What should I do? Please respond quickly, prom is around the corner. – “Tandi”, Auburn, CA
Liva, 20, Hudson, NY: It’s silly to ditch prom just because the guy says no. I prefer guys to ask, however, I once left a note on a guy’s car (after plotting for weeks) and was gently rejected. I ended up going with friends and had an awesome time. Senior year I also asked a guy, but he was one of my best friends and neither of us had dates. It was the perfect prom.
Michael, 17, Fair Oaks, CA: A girl from a different school asked me by delivering a pizza-sized cookie with “Prom?” written across it.
Emily, 16, Sacramento, CA: This day and age, there are no rules. Especially since he goes to another school, ask him. If he does reject you (especially in a way that makes you give up on prom), then good, he wasn’t a nice guy to begin with. In that case, go anyway. A new relationship may start to bud.
Diana, 15, Folsom, CA: Waiting for guys to come through can drive us crazy! The worst that can happen is he says no and you know he wasn’t as worthwhile as you thought.
Rachel, 17, Fair Oaks, CA: This isn’t the olden days! A girl has the same right to ask as the guy! But don’t feel dependent on a date. If he turns out to be a jerk, take a friend. Prom is meant to be fun, so make it fun!
Dear “Tandi”: Ouch, I hear some male bashing. A “no” answer doesn’t make a guy “not nice,” “unworthy,” or a “jerk.” He’s just not feeling it. It’s fair game to ask a guy out, but it’s not fair to bash him or blame him for your misery if he says no. Keep reading for a male perspective. Additional comments are on the Web site.
Lennon, 22, Fair Oaks, CA: Does he even know you like him? Girls are so flirty these days a guy can’t tell if a girl genuinely likes him or if she’s just flirting for the sake of flirting. Girls control the dating world this way, so they might as well be the ones asking. But if you want him to ask you, think of an obvious hint, then triple its obviousness.
Jack, 17, Auburn, CA: If there’s no chemistry and you are just hoping, you should be okay with a “no” because you are crossing the line with assumptions. Nobody, male or female, should have high expectations without mutual chemistry. Since this guy is from another school, you have little to lose in asking, but if he’s at your own school, lack of chemistry will make it awkward and guys might joke about it.
Most of the time, if a guy likes a girl, he will ask her. But if a guy and girl have energy between them, and the guy doesn’t man-up and ask, then it’s okay for the girl to ask. But wait until it’s down to the wire because he might have an interesting way he’s planning to ask you. A friend took his hoped-for date on a run by the river where he had written in chalk “Prom?” in huge letters on a slab of concrete.