Non-Abstention Training

To abstain without abstaining

You will need a smart scapegoat

Who won’t require much training,

And who won’t emote or gloat.

You see, sometimes our hearts

Motivate our daily actions,

And your non-rational parts

Can cause prejudiced reactions.

When your feelings about chicken

And people who are gay

Cause your brain cobwebs to thicken,

Let Siri show the way!

Zoltar could also help you decide

If the newly proposed patio

Is one that in the law abides

Or if parts of the plan must go.

If Siri and Zoltar are not around,

Try asking the Magic 8 Ball –

Black, small, round, and profound,

With answers that can work for all.

Mix those answers with your feelings

Or pick one some random way,

But keep your personal political leanings,

And abstain from abstaining today.

I will see what I can do

To make these methods official.

Heaven forbid that we make you

Decide alone and be judicial.