A Look Back to the Future

Many people think that our memories are getting worse (I don’t remember how many). Some say it’s due to environmental pollution, diet, or just getting older — but I think it’s because there’s too much stuff on social media — how are we supposed to remember anything after we’ve tweeted, twitched, tiktoked, and tumblred all day?

So here’s a little quiz to see how good your memory is!

Do you remember what happened in Santa Barbara in 2022?

In 2022, longtime State Street businesses, such as The Natural Cafe, said they will be leaving downtown Santa Barbara because:

1. There are too many rats and too many homeless.
2. There are not enough rats and too many homeless.
3. There are not enough homeless and not enough rats.
4. There are not enough homeless and too many rats.

Despite dozens of protestors claiming for years that family-owned farms would be hurt by the move, the city decided to relocate the popular Santa Barbara Farmers Market downtown because:

1. The police need the space to build a bigger station to hold more prisoners, most of whom are people they arrested for protesting the relocation of the Farmers Market.
2. Nothing can go wrong with moving dozens of food booths to a busy intersection downtown where there’s lots of rats.
3. The police station is out of date and totally inadequate, and the Farmers Market space is the only feasible alternative. (Rumor has it that officers at the new station will have their own booths on Saturdays and sell dried fruits, such as raisins, figs and court dates.)

In 2022, Santa Barbara High School finished spending $39,000,000 (yes that’s millions!) to build a new stadium because football is such a top priority.

1. True, because SBHS has won a lot of CFI football championships.
2. True, because SBHS has never won a CFI football championship.
3. True, but, everyone knows — when you can hear them — SBHS has the best theater performances in town. So why don’t we spend a few thousand dollars on a new sound system for them?

Though it seems like The Independent already has a “Best Of” category for everything in the yearly survey, the paper created a new category in 2022. It was:

1. Best Joke about Santa Barbara.
2. Best Man at a Santa Barbara wedding
3. Best Minestrone Soup (large bowl) in Santa Barbara
4. None of the above.

Elon Musk’s SpaceX launched several missions from Vandenberg Space Force Base last year; some of the Falcon rockets landed in the Pacific Ocean on a Musk Drone ship which he actually named:

1. Of Course I Still Love You
2. I Just Bought Twitter! No I Didn’t! Yes I Did!
3. I’m a Megalomaniac? I’ll Tell You Who’s a Megalomaniac!

Randy Rowse became our new mayor in 2022. Unlike the recently elected George Santos, who seems to have lied about everything in his life, we can safely assume that Rowse’s resume on his website is all true. So what did he say about himself?

1. He has been named both “Volunteer of the Year” and “Business Person of the Year,” and won MVP of Super Bowl XLI. (Sorry, that last bit came from George Santos’s resume. My mistake.)
2. He has lived in the same house on the Mesa for 36 years, but he owns most of Montecito and Oprah is his best friend. (Sorry, those last two bits came from George’s web page. My mistake.)
3. He came here in 1972 to attend UCSB as an Environmental Studies Major, founded NASA, fought in the Civil War, and invented air. (Can you guess which bits came from George?)

As reported in a 2022 KCLU One Oh One podcast (hosted by the marvelous Michelle Loxton), the killing of whales by ships in the Santa Barbara Channel was reduced by what simple solution?

1. Decades of discrimination were swept aside, and whales were finally hired to be Captains of the ships.
2. Ahab, the vengeful leader of the Ship Captains Union, was fired.
3. The ships slowed down.

In 2022, the National Testing Association determined that UCSB students were the best at taking what type of multiple choice exams?

1. b and c
2. a, b, and d
3. d
4. a and c
5. I have no clue what you’re talking about

Santa Barbarians’ love of wine continued to grow in 2022.

1. True, there are now over 275 wineries in Santa Barbara County.
2. True, over 275 Barbarians get drunk on Pinot Noir every night.
3. True, on, at least, 275 days of the year, the average Barbarian crushes grapes, pops a cork, or discusses a wine’s nose.

Before it was officially over, this past year Santa Barbarians definitely put the pandemic behind them. Can you match the common word or phrase with its twisted pandemic definition?

Incubators:

1. Warm boxes which hatch eggs
2. Cruise ships

No face-to-face interactions:

1. Acceptance of your inner recluse
2. Zooming

Bingeing:

1. Watching a lot of tv shows because there’s nothing else to do
2. Watching a lot of tv shows despite having many things to do

Evaluating Grades:

0-2 correct: No comment.

3-5 correct: You should be reading The Independent more thoroughly (come on guys – it’s free!).

6-9 correct: Obviously you’re paying more attention than those 3-5 losers.

10 correct: Genius. But how did you know all the correct answers? I was pretty clueless — which is why I got the National Testing Association question right.