Burgled in the Santa Barbara ‘Burbs 

Someone broke into my car a couple of weeks ago while it was parked on Alameda Padre Serra. 

Well, “broke into” is a bit generous. I left it unlocked. Someone entered my very-enterable car and took my stuff.

But even as I grieve, my reporter hat stays on. I immediately sought to uncover whether this is a prevalent issue in that area. 

First, I’ll take you to the scene of the crime. 

Every one of my car’s nooks and crannies were cracked open. The contents of said crannies were strewn about the car. The bag of clothes I took to the gym was in the front seat and torn apart. My beloved soda cans that I store in the side doors were all over the floor. My car napkins were ripped up and sprinkled over the upholstery like confetti on concrete after Fiesta. 

I had unwisely stored some valuable things in the backseat. Those were missing, of course. Trust that I’m kicking myself. Hard. But I’m still feeling pretty violated. 

They took my laptop bag, which contained my MacBook and notebooks. The tote bag itself was limited-edition merch from the band Car Seat Headrest, covered in silly pins and other personal accoutrements. (It was my favorite. Sigh.)

Adding insult to injury, they stole my shoes, too. They were just an old pair of Converse. “[Expletive], really?” I said as I took stock of what was missing. “My [expletive] shoes?” For some reason, they decided to snag my proof of car insurance paperwork from the glove box, as well. It all felt a bit too personal. 

I also noticed they snatched an old pack of cigarettes from my car’s napkin-holder (center console). I’m not mourning those as much. I had only recently been reminded of their existence while shoving a fresh handful of Starbucks napkins into their rightful place. 

I know that my stuff is probably unrecoverable. I filed a police report anyway. I have yet to hear anything.  

The Santa Barbara Police Department’s Public Information Officer, Nathan Beltran, said that this is usually the case. Sometimes, if people are lucky and circumstances are just right, their property will be returned. But, usually, stolen stuff is never recovered. It stays stolen.

For the record, “Find My” — Apple’s location services — on my laptop was conveniently off (re: kicking myself). 

The Apple Store guy told me that, without my password, my old laptop is essentially an expensive paperweight. It sounded rehearsed. “Expensive paperweight?” It was slightly reassuring, but it did not soften the blow of losing everything that was stored on that expensive paperweight. 

But you’re not here to listen to me cry. 

When I spoke to my friend who lives in the area, I was met with genuine empathy coupled with a flippant, “Yeah, that happens up here. Gotta lock your car.” 

He said his car was broken into multiple times on APS over the years. His mom’s, too. Someone even broke into his mom’s car once to simply sleep in the backseat. They didn’t take anything. But they left behind some indisputable evidence: car seats folded down, a blanket, and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels. 

Ah, I thought as he told me this, this is a common occurrence! They — the thieves, the robbers, the degenerates — are preying on the unassuming mountain people and their false sense of security for living 400 feet above sea level! Eureka! 

Apparently, however, that Einstein moment of mine is not backed by the official crime stats. When you crunch the numbers, they are not so scandalously crunchy. 

In other words, there is not a concentration of burglaries in that area, as I was expecting. 

Break-ins happen throughout the city. Beltran sent me a map. Between July 1, 2025, and June 30, 2026, there were 55 vehicular burglaries reported to the police. This problem is not really unique to any one place in the city, he said.

There goes my naïve mountain people theory. Right out the window, just like my shoes. 

Nevertheless, if personal accounts mean anything — and my neighbors on the app Nextdoor have any credibility — it is a problem. Burglars have been reported checking for unlocked cars in neighborhoods around Santa Barbara. Two weeks ago, resident Michael Kramer posted security camera footage from his home in the Bel Air neighborhood (near Elings park) on Nextdoor, showing a man dressed in all black with a light strapped to his head shamelessly jiggling car door handles up and down the street. 

The video, posted in July, was captured at 2:30 a.m., Kramer noted, and showed the unidentified man visiting cars both on the street and in driveways. He hits five homes in nine minutes, successfully entering a hatchback in someone’s driveway and a white Prius parked on the street. 

While some commenters were unsympathetic (“people leave their cars unlocked?” and “you have a garage for a reason,” they wrote), most were disturbed and some recounted their own break-ins. 

“This is the same guy that was in the Encore neighborhood [in Hope Ranch] last month,” wrote one. “He took things from all of our neighbors who had unlocked cars. It was such a violation!”

One commenter said she lives on Portesuello Avenue, where people were “creeping around rather frequently lately.”

“Someone broke into our cars in January,” she continued. “That person was arrested. I was contacted by the DA [District Attorney] for his case because they had my bank card on their person.” 

She surmised that there is likely a network of car burglars who are still prowling the streets. 

“Creppy!!” wrote another commenter. I think they meant “creepy.” 

This is all to say that there are opportunists waiting to strike when it is most inconvenient for poor, unsuspecting reporters who don’t back up their notes and files on a hard drive.

Just a reminder: Always lock your cars. Do not leave your valuables unattended.

And let me know if you see my tote bag in a bush or something.