No Place to Sit

I’m not sure how we got on the topic, but it was immediately funny and I think a high-five was exchanged pretty quickly. Having coffee with a friend, I was commenting on one of my favorite topics — downtown Santa Barbara — when we got sidetracked in what could have been a Seinfeld episode. I think he said, “And there’s your next article.”

I’d just been reflecting on what has become the most prevalent sign posted from one end of State Street to the other. In fact, it starts at the far end of the wharf and continues all the way to Mission. And it’s not very welcoming.

It’s not “Half Off on Corduroys” or “Check Out Our Breakfast Burritos.” Or “Welcome Traveler from Afar, Wait, the Hostess Will Seat You.” Nope. It’s “Get Lost If All You Want Is Our Toilet.”

I think it’s telling that a shop owner would invest hundreds of thousands, maybe millions in their business, offer a product they are proud of, train staff to deliver wonderful service — and yet greet every customer at the door with a negative message about what they won’t do, and what you can’t have.

They must get that question a lot. “May I use your restroom?” No one wants to say “no” all day. And thus, the big ugly sign on the front door.

I get it. I worked downtown for years and there is nothing more disheartening than to get up from your desk, walk down the hall to the restroom, and find that someone is living in the first stall. Or taking a shower in the sink. Or worse.

These signs are not meant for the well-dressed tourist or the cruise ship passenger with their city tour map in hand. They are not intended for the accountant on her lunch break. But they hit us all the same way.

We encourage visitors to experience Santa Barbara car-free. Hmm. That sort of implies we’ll take care of them while they’re here.

This whole situation reminds me of all the cool wooden benches we removed several years ago so that homeless people didn’t have a place to call home for the evening. I think we made the national news for that.

The new State Street Master Plan does mention public restrooms and how important they are. The master plan suggests that coordination between the city and property owners will be needed. I think it will take a lot more than that.

But there you have it. We’re a destination, a city that thrives on visitors. We’ve converted homes all over town into small hotels, built way more restaurants than our residents need, developed a beautiful airport and historic train station, and yet have only a couple of public toilets for all to share. And we lock them at night.

My friend and I started talking about the old days and where our favorite bathrooms were. I loved the one upstairs at Nordstrom. He mentioned the one downstairs at Borders. We laughed that we both knew the good ones. We both recognized that it’s funny and it’s not. I am sure shop owners would agree.

And yes, there really was a Seinfeld episode about it. I think in our conversation, I played George.