This is the time of year when we’re all trying to give up unhealthy addictions, but I have unfortunately stumbled upon one that combines two of my favorite vices, shopping and winning, into one spiraling-out-of-control obsession: eBay.
I actually started to get hip and modern with eBay for a decidedly retro reason-I needed to find Tetris and Mario Bros. games for the Super Nintendo system my roommates and I just dusted off (another horrible addiction, but at least it’s keeping me off the streets).
I’d been eBay-wary ever since my sister found herself shelling out $500 for a vintage Coach clutch after a vicious bidding war, but I figured I was older and wiser and already in way too much debt to make such a crazy mistake.
I was wrong.
What started as a casual survey of how I could expand my meager video game collection has turned into a fervent treasure hunt for every favorite perfume, lipstick color, and hair product that has been taken off the shelves, a pair of butter-yellow peep-toe pumps I’ve been visualizing with every outfit, and a she-mullet wig for next Halloween. I bid on everything I can find, counting down the hours until the seller seals the deal, fanatically check my status every five minutes, moaning in agony when I’ve been outdone, and high-fiving myself as I continue to lead the race to spend more on shipping than the actual product of Duck Hunt for Nintendo SNES. Diving deeper into the murky waters of PayPal accounts, user ratings, and related products, my mind begins to shuffle through all the crap lying around in my cramped quarters I could probably talk someone across the country into paying an exorbitant amount for. Basically, someone would pay me to clean my room! It’s like holding a personal garage sale, without having to get up early on the weekends.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to make sure I’m still in the lead for Donkey Kong Country :