Planned Parenthood’s World of Wacky Titles

PLANNED PARENTHOOD: Here is Mary Brown’s annual list of wacky titles Planned Parenthood volunteers collected while sorting through donations to the current 35th anniversary of its book sale, which is at Earl Warren Showgrounds’ Warren Hall through Sunday; open daily from 10 a.m.-8 p.m. Free admission. The list:

Stuffed Animals and Pickled Heads

You Can Hang a Nude in the Dining Room

The Three-Martini Play Date: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting

Dating Secrets of the 10 Commandments

Crap Jobs: 100 Tales of Workplace Hell

The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Mafia

Boring Postcards

Candyfreak: A Journey Through the Chocolate Underbelly of America

The Flaming Luau of Death

Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti (I don’t get it -BB)

The Used Women’s Book Club

Don’t Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining

40: The Year of Napping Dangerously

The Minotaur Takes a Cigarette Break

The Day the Whores Came Out to Play Tennis

How to Cook Your Daughter (What? -BB)

After the Ecstasy, the Laundry

If I Have a Wicked Stepmother, Where’s My Prince?

Beware the Naked Man Who Offers You His Shirt

Cooking to Hook Up: The Bachelor’s Date-Night Cookbook

SPEAKING OF WACKY: After The Independent‘s cover story last week (“A Towering Debate”) raised doubts about whether those airliners loaded with jet fuel actually caused the Twin Towers to collapse on 9/11, The Indy‘s Web site got deluged with postings, pro and con. For another side of the crackpot notion that the planes didn’t cause the collapse, see Journal of Debunking 9/11 Conspiracy Theories, snopes.com, and other sites.

EL ENCANTO: Now that the Santa Barbara Planning Commission has okayed revised plans for a multimillion-dollar rebuilding of the hilltop resort, it will be 12-18 months before all the necessary permits are in place to recommence construction, according to Phillip Gesue, vice president for real estate at Orient-Express.

ANGER MANAGEMENT: Mara Tucker reports, “While checking out Santa Barbara City College’s Adult Ed site for the new fall term, I was stunned to read: ‘Due to budget cuts, 100 classes that appeared in the fall printed catalog have been cancelled.’ The first class on the hit list: Anger Management. Hahaha.” Mara also wonders if Montecito is for sale. “Twenty-four real estate signs spotted [on a recent] weekend between San Ysidro Road and East Valley Road. Hmm. Sign of the times?”

THROWING RISOTTO: Celeb chef Mario Batali, once a colorful figure in the Santa Barbara Biltmore kitchen, now co-owns 15 restaurants in L.A., Vegas, and New York. Mario told the L.A. Times about a tempest involving fiery chef Marco Pierre White at a London pub, where Mario was a sous-chef years ago. “There’s a well-documented incident where he threw a pan of risotto at me from five feet away.”

WEST BEACH NOISE OUTRAGE: That’s what TV talk show host Ernie Salomon calls the window-vibrating racket from a concert Friday night. Ernie complained to every official on his email list and reports that the sound was lower the next two nights. “Hundreds of homeowners were angry,” he said. Worse, he lamented, “The city is leaving far too much money on the table with these large events” by not charging a large enough permit fee for use of the public beaches. I’ve heard of other complaints, including litter galore.

CLEAN AND SOBER: Casa Serena opened its doors in 1959, thanks to founder Mildred Pinheiro, an alcoholic who learned that women had no place to go to recover. Since then, thousands of women, from those who’d been living in cars to Montecito matrons, have found peace and serenity in a spirit of sisterly love. It doesn’t work for everyone, I know. As I wrote years ago after a moving visit for a column, “The Big A Can Be Tough to Beat.” The women ranged in age from 21 to past 60. On October 3, a fundraising luncheon will be held at the Santa Barbara Club to present the Mildred Pinheiro Award and honor 150 supporters and alumni. My best to all.

CLEAN WATER: Hillary Hauser tells me that the 5th Annual Benefit Concert for Heal the Ocean-Saturday, September 26, at the Coral Casino-is happily sold out. Thanks to this relentless warrior for working so long on behalf of our beaches and ocean. But producer/director Marilyn Gilbert assures me that there are plenty of tickets left for Trial by Jury, the Gilbert (is that a coincidence?) and Sullivan spoof of the legal system. It benefits the Legal Aid Foundation and Westmont music scholarships. It’s set not in jolly old England but Texas in the 1920s. There will be three performances at the Music Academy of the West’s Hahn Hall: October 2 at 8 p.m., and twice on October 3.

ADIS, LISA: Regulars at Vices and Spices coffee shop are mourning the death of Lisa Keller, 57, one of the San Roque moms who gathered for morning java. Lisa was cheery to the end, and we miss her. A memorial will be held October 17.