Chimps, Dogs, and Elephants

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Nick Welsh asserts in his June 25 column that humans are the only species that can ride a bike. What! Au contraire, mon frere. I seen chimps, dogs and even a baby elephant (speaking of not noticing whose in da room) riding bikes.

And what’s this about snapping fingers? My lord that is such a racist gesture! It’s an authoritative movement of the thumb and forefinger to simulate the cracking of a whip. Anyone found snapping their fingers (unless singing along with a Bobby Darin tune) should be dismissed from their employment, fined, and multiple infractions punished with repeated injections of Botox in the web of their hand.

By the way, isn’t the very act of finding racism in everything, racist itself. I’m tired of being falsely accused or examined because I’m white. Stop the persecution. Stop the lunacy. Sane Minds Matter. SMM (social media marketing).

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