The time has come, Dug. You and Dot must go. They say it is best to let sleeping dogs lie, and while I appreciate the sentiment, you narcoleptic, flea-nibbled, Midwestern mutts have to get up and get gone. Sorry, but your Aunt Trixie needs her doghouse back. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.
Indeed, Santa Barbara is a tough nut to crack when it comes to finding sweet and affordable slumber spots, especially for us barking tail-waggers. But there are options. Your dream house is close. Find the humans at Village Properties, and they will happily hold your paw all the way to day number one in your new place. Want a real estate agent that will work for you like no one else? Call the folks at Grubb Campbell. A former Village Properties protégé, Natalie Grubb-Campbell and her team make sure you are always running with the big dogs.
Should you and Dot decide to take on the near impossible and build your own dwelling, may I suggest a huge truckload of rabbit’s feet, wishbones, and assorted agents of witchcraft. You will also need an architect who knows how to design your monochromatic dog dreams into a vivid and living reality as well as a contractor you can trust to make it happen without blowing all your biscuits. Luckily, both these things can be found in a piping-hot bowl of Santa Barbara alphabet soup. AB Design Studio is a tremendous place to start for the dreaming and drawing, while DBC Construction is the crew you want when it’s time for the power tools.
Once you’ve got your new place, the real fun begins. Go out to La Sumida Nursery and let your nose lead you to your new landscape. Wander your way through this exotic dream of a nursery, and you will go home with everything from Dr. Seuss–style, conversation-piece succulents and native sage bushes to stunning perennial bulbs and more. Marking your territory with some serious botanical culture is a true Santa Barbara pastime. Of course, you may not have a green paw, but that’s what Eco Plant Services is for. These folks will keep your green stuff green and your growing stuff growing and everything else in between looking pretty and clean.
Absolutely anything else house-related on the list can be solved by going to the Santa Barbara Home Improvement Center. I am not sure there is any one business more responsible for keeping the homes of this town in good-looking and well-working order than this hardware store on steroids.
Once you are out of my poodle pad, just imagine what type of sleeping situation you and Dot could dream up — circling clockwise and then counterclockwise together on a large and luxurious California king before curling up together with room to spare. You can both run in your sleep without kicking each other! Mattress Mike is where you go when you are ready to change your sleeping experience forever.
Lastly, my dear nephew, even as you pack your bags and prepare to turn tail — if you are serious about calling Santa Barbara home — you must start thinking about tiles. Our claws often make us uncaring about these things, but Santa Barbara is nothing without its tiles. From Saltillo tiles in the kitchens and bathrooms to red ones on the rooftops and crazy colorful ones nearly anywhere else, this is a town of tile. Go to Nopal Street and find Tileco. They will get you to tile nirvana — and I will finally have you out of the house.
Until then, I’m definitely an “Angry Poodle.”
Love you, Auntie Trixie
By Paul Wellman