The White House will be renamed the Trump House (in 17-foot-high gold letters).

The Oval Office will be renamed the Ovule Office. (Trump will think this is funny.)

The couches in the Ovule Office will be removed and replaced by an over-sized hot tub.

A meeting will be held in the new Ovule Office (in the new hot tub) between Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, and Chris Christie. And if there is still room in the tub, Rudy Giuliani will be invited. (Wives and other recording devices will be prohibited.)

A Miss White House contest will be announced.

Two new offices will be constructed immediately adjacent to the Ovule Office. (One will be the dressing room for the Miss White House contest. The other, of course, will be a locker room.)

Trump will announce that in order to lower federal expenses and to reduce the response time, he will eliminate the job of “football” carrier and will now carry the nuclear codes himself.

Trump will create three new cabinet positions. One will be called Secretary of Truth and Tact, one will be called Secretary of Body Measurements, and the third will be called Secretary of Tweets and Temperament.

Lance Armstrong will be named Secretary of Truth and Tact.

Hugh Hefner will be named Secretary of Body Measurements.

Trump will temporarily fill the position of Secretary of Tweets and Temperament.

Bill Cosby will be named Secretary of State.

Larry Flynt will be named Secretary of Education.

Sean Hannity will be named Chief of Staff.

Ben Carson will be named Surgeon General

O.J. Simpson will be pardoned and named Attorney General. (He will immediately indict Hillary Clinton.)

(Trump will also think that this is funny.)

Trump will name Jared Kushner (Ivanka’s husband) to the Supreme Court.

Before you laugh too hard at this, remember — it would all be perfectly legal for him to do it.


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