Coalition Against Families Plan Scrapped

I would like to apologize, and to thank Danny Vickers and Bruce Giffin, who have recently enlightened me to the errors of my ways. Thanks to these guys, I now realize that I’m a belligerent, court-monopolizing tennis bum. More importantly, I realize now that I just hate families, especially children. I know now that I must abandon any feelings of wanting to play at my public courts for a reasonable price.

Vickers was right. The best way to resolve the claims of court monopolization was just to remove the sign-up board completely. I know the courts were bustling with activity before Elings took over, but that was just me and the guys (disgruntled “men”) playing tennis and chanting “Our courts! Our courts!” The courts may be a ghost town now, but families will show up as soon as they find out it’s safe to do so. I will not be founding the Coalition Against Families and Children at Las Positas. And they will pay the club prices because of course we have an arbitrary one-million-dollar deferred maintenance figure to cover, the park is in the red, and Dimitar [Dimitar Yazadzhiev, owner of Oceanside Tennis School and managing pro at Las Positas Tennis Courts] needs to profit off of a public facility because the pro tour sure wasn’t paying.

I’m cracking open a cold one right now as I write this. However, it just won’t be the same not being able to throw it in a Las Positas trash can or, better yet, at one of the court monitors. I’m also going to miss power-sliding my mini van in the loose gravel parking lot. Sigh. Where have the good times gone?