Wide Berth Unnecessary

In these times of fear and isolation there seem to be a number of clouds with silver linings. People are showing generosity and cooperation. The Congress actually passed a major piece of legislation in a long overdue bipartisan vote. People are coming to the realization that this is one nation and that we are part of a connected world.

Anxiety from being isolated is taking its toll on many people. For me however, a great wind of freedom has blown into my life. Without fear of persecution, reprisals, or even prosecution, I can finally talk to myself. No longer do I have to disguise long and satisfying conversations with the one person I enjoy talking to the most – myself! I can promenade down the empty streets babbling enthusiastically with me, myself and I. No one complains or comments. Police cars don’t pull over to investigate.

It should be noted that I am a person of a somewhat advanced age. I grew up without personal computers and cellular phones. Socializing back then was only accomplished by engaging with actual people. Of course, talking to oneself was considered a form of insanity. It was even probable cause for being taken in to custody. Therefore, persons such as myself had to exercise this affectation with great caution.

The invention of cell phones turned out to be a terrific piece of luck for me. Originally, I had no interest in them since I didn’t need to bother calling myself for a chat. Then I observed a busy street one day and looked upon what appeared to be hundreds of people walking along and talking to themselves. It was a miracle! I later found a broken phone on the sidewalk. I now carry it with me everywhere and have been fearlessly chatting to myself ever since.

Mark Stouder I have been forced into self-isolation (which I prefer) during these unfortunate times. It is not necessary to keep up appearances with my “pretend” phone anymore. I can go out for long walks, unimpeded, flailing my arms with emphasis, as I expound on important and lengthy topics to yours truly. Now I can finally talk to myself!


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